6 weeks old

I can't believe it's been six weeks already.  L is growing like a weed. We've had so many feeding challenges since day one. Cracked, bleeding nipples from a bad latch, which created a supply shortage in the more damaged, right side. But finally, it's starting to improve a little. I've started feeding on the right first every time and then following up with the plentiful left and just today I was able to pump the most from my right since L was born. A whopping 2.6 oz. On my left I'm consistently getting 4+ ounces. It's also a little less painful. I'm not always dreading a feeding. 

L is such a joy. He is gaining and growing appropriately. At his one month appointment he was already 11 lbs 4 oz. By now he must be over 12 lbs. He's a happy little guy. He's smiling all the time and as of the last two days he's trying to laugh too.

Sometimes he fights sleep during the day, but I think he just wants to be a part of things. He loves the Moby wrap and sometimes likes the pacifier but he isn't as obsessed with it as his sister was.

He loves the sound of his sister's voice and smiles when he hears it. She loves him too. Always asking to kiss, hug or hold him. She definitely has her moments of wanting attention, but it's never with malicious behavior, just a lot of talking, yelling, singing and asking for us to watch her dance, run, play or master some new task. She's full of energy. 

L is sleeping "through the night" which is to say he's sleeping 5 or more hour stretches most nights. We're very pleased with that. He's starting to look like he's outgrowing his bassinet, so we're thinking of moving him into his crib in Little T's room. We're going to try to push it a few more weeks, but that day is coming sooner than I thought! I hope Little T will handle the transition well. My guess is that she will. She is such a sound, heavy sleeper. 

And L is so strong! He rolled over for the first time on the couch at around 2 weeks old. We couldn't believe it and chalked it up to the couch helping him. He did it again on the bed a few times, but we still couldn't really believe it. Then at 5 weeks while he was doing tummy time on the floor, he rolled over again. And then 2 or 3 more times that day on a flat floor. That's when we couldn't deny it anymore. I'd be lying if I said I didn't flash forward to seeing him on the varsity football team with his highly advanced rolling skills. ;)  Proud mama moment. 

All in all, we're getting some sleep and feeling pretty great. I do feel guilty on some days when I have the kids on my own and have a hard time being there entirely for Little T, but overall, I think I'm balancing things pretty well. Maybe with the exception of the laundry and housekeeping, which hasn't been as on point as it usually is. But as long as we all have clean underwear, I feel like I'm winning! 

As for me, I'm physically feeling great. With the exception of sore nipples (which I'm really getting used to) and not getting to shower as much as I normally like to, I'm really doing well. I have my 6 week checkup tomorrow and plan to start getting back to my long daily walks the day after. I still have 15 lbs to lose, but I'm not in a huge rush this time. It'll come off. It just may take some time.

I hope to update again soon, but there's so little time! Til then...

He's here!

Sunday, October 5, 2014 at 7:46 pm, our son LTD was born!

I woke up in the wee hours of Sunday morning to some cramping. For me, cramping was nothing new. I had been dealing with some cramping for about two weeks, so it didn't mean much to me. I went to the bathroom and then I went back to sleep like I always did about 5-7 times a night. Thanks to J waking early with Little T, I was able to sleep in until about 8:30 am. I woke up, said good morning to Mu family and went to the bathroom. That's when I saw blood. I alerted J with a big smile that I may be in labor and went to take a shower. I figured I may as well start the day fresh and clean. During the shower my contractions were coming closer. Some as close as 4-5 mins apart. So I called the doctor and they told me to get little T squared away and come on into the hospital. We called J's parents to pick up Little T and I packed her a bag very haphazardly as at this point my adrenaline was kicking and I was excited, anxious, nervous, all of that. 

We got to the hospital around 10:30 am and they hooked me up to the monitors. By 12:20 pm I was 3-4 cm dilated and 50% effaced. My contractions were coming sporadically. I would get three in quick succession but then get a long break. Dr. Logan wanted me to walk around for about an hour to see if that would help them come more regularly. So we went outside and did a couple laps around the campus. It was a somewhat chilly but beautiful day, so we enjoyed that. By the time I got back to Admissions I was having some intense contractions. At 2:15 pm I was 6 cm and 90% effaced. They saw that I was shaking during my contractions and decided I must be in transition. That's when they moved me to our room.

When we got to our room we realized immediately that we were in the same room where I'd given birth to Little T! For some reason that meant a lot to me. They told me I could get in the tub, which was so cool cause I wasn't able to do that when I was induced last time. The bath was amazing. It felt so good that it actually slowed down my contractions so I couldn't spend too much time in there.

I got out of the tub after about an hour. J and I spent the next hour watching football (between some really intense contractions). At this point I realized that I could do this unmedicated. I knew I could handle it, but I decided I really didn't want to. I wanted to be able to enjoy the birth and called for an epidural around 4:30 when I was 8 cm dilated and fully effaced. 

They gave me some time to rest, once the epidural kicked in. I had to keep switching sides cause the epidural wouldn't work well on whichever side I wasn't lying on and the baby didn't tolerate me being on my back for long. 

At 6:30, they decided to break my water. I was pretty upset when I found out that there was meconium in the water, which meant that baby had pooped in the womb and it meant we'd need to have the NICU nurses in the room with us. I was worried that s/he may have aspirated the meconium and would have trouble breathing. So, that was very disappointing and scary. 

At around 7:30, I started to feel pressure and told the nurse. She brought the doctor in and they had me do a practice push. Everyone was impressed with my "control" in pushing and said the baby would come fast. 

At 7:41 I started pushing for real. They had me stop around 7:44 because the cord was around baby's neck. Doc fixed it and I continued to push. LTD was born at 7:46pm after five minutes of pushing. I immediately saw that it was a boy, which didn't surprise me at all! I was thrilled and so was J. We were both shocked to find out how big he was! At 9 lbs 7 oz and 21.5 inches, he was a big boy!

And we knew right away he was a Pats fan because he arrived with minutes to go before kickoff. Mama and daddy were so great full for his timely arrival! 

It's been almost three weeks now and we're so in love. He's sweet and happy and looks a lot like his dad and sister. He smiles a lot when he's sleeping and even tries to roll over sometimes. He's incredibly strong and doesn't mind tummy time much at all. 

We've had some breastfeeding challenges. His latch is not great, which means my nipples are torn and bleeding, but we saw an LC today and I really feel like we're going to improve dramatically. 

He's steadily gaining weight unlike his sister before him, so I couldn't be happier about that. 

We're getting some sleep. There are good nights and bad. But mostly good. I am just head over heels in love with both of my kids. 

Thank you to all of you who helped us get here!

A whole year!!

So, I got an alert yesterday to tell me that it has been one year since I started Sister Eggs. I can't even believe how much has happened in the last year.

The fact that we had only just decided on using donor eggs one year ago and now we're literally hours or days away from holding our baby is such a blessing. 

I'm so incredibly grateful. I just feel lucky to have such wonderful support and to have been as fortunate as we have. 

It's been a long, sometimes incredibly tough year, but we've made it this far! 

And now, the doctor has given us an end date. If I'm not in labor before Monday, I will be induced then. It's not what I originally wanted, but I'm over it. I just can't wait to meet our baby!

This time next week I'll be holding our newest son or daughter. 

Happy Due Date!

Well, I've made it to my due date with my sanity intact. Barely! I'm so ready to meet this baby, but apparently s/he is not quite ready to meet us. I have an appointment with my doctor on Wednesday. My guess is that if the baby isn't here by then, they'll suggest another induction. I'm less afraid of the induction this time because I've been there, done that. But I really do hope to go into labor before it comes to that. With the size predictions of this baby, I won't fight an induction. I'll probably go with whatever the doc suggests. Anyway, keep your fingers crossed that it won't come to that!

I'm feeling lots of contractions, some days I have more than others. And the baby feels low. I feel large and am having a hard time maneuvering easily with this big belly. But I've kept up the walking five miles, five days or more a week. I'm almost ready to throw in the towel with the walking, but I'm trying to keep it up. We'll see how I feel.

Here is my due date belly pic:

37 weeks...getting there!

So, I'm 37 weeks 2 days pregnant and I'm feeling pretty good! I'm still walking 5 days a week and I'm hoping that will help when it comes to labor. 

I had an appointment today. Everything is pretty much the same as last week. I think I gained another pound or so, BP is excellent as usual, strep B test was negative. I asked the doctor whether she thought the baby might come late like Little T did. She said that second babies tend not to make you wait as long. So I'm trying to prepare myself for 5 more weeks of waiting but I'm hoping for less than 3 weeks! 

Things are definitely starting to get real. I've been doing some nesting. J has helped out a lot the last few weeks, cleaning out drawers and closets because I'm nesting, but also exhausted, so I need the help! Haha. I also washed all the unisex baby clothes and they're in the baby/Little T's shared room waiting for a tiny person to wear them. We brought out and cleaned the car seat, swing, bouncer, boppy, crib sheets, changing table covers, etc. so I'm feeling a lot more ready.

I've also packed most of the essentials for my "go bag" for the hospital. I have a gift from the baby to Little T. A couple of activities she can do at the hospital during visits. Oh and Little T's "Big Sister" tee shirt came in the mail today. So, all there is left to do is wait for baby! Thankfully, I have a really busy week, so that should help the time go faster. The end is always so long!!

Here's a shot of me today:

36 weeks and feeling pretty good...today

So, I can't believe it's been a month since I last updated. A lot has happened. I am 36 weeks 2 days pregnant. The baby no longer has any cords around his/her neck. It took three more ultrasounds to confirm it, but we got that good news. At my last ultrasound two weeks ago (34weeks), s/he was measuring just over 6 lbs, which is very big, especially compared to where Little T was at that point. 

This weekend was Labor Day weekend and I had a kind of hormonal weekend, to say the least. Little T got a bad case of Poison Ivy last week. She has it all over her face, torso, arms and legs and has been on steroids because of it. Sweet girl that she is, she shared with her mama too. So I have it all over my arms and knees. I didn't think I could take anything for it, so I've been itchy and miserable. On top of the poison ivy it's been humid and in the nineties all week. Oh and I was feeling really down about gaining too much weight. I had a couple of really down moments and started crying on a car ride, explaining to J that there was no way I'd be able to make it four more weeks!! With this huge baby! Basically it was a bit of a bummer long weekend. 

But then today I had a doctor's appointment where they assured me I hadn't gained too much. They told me I could take something for the itch relief (yay!) and that not only has the baby dropped but I'm 50% effaced and 1 cm dilated. I've had a lot of Braxton Hicks so I wasn't totally shocked and I also know that doesn't mean I'm going into labor tomorrow or even in the next 3 weeks, but somehow hearing that things were starting made me feel a lot better. 

So, now I'm just trying to focus on enjoying the next 4-6 weeks left of my pregnancy! Or who knows, maybe this (projected to be 9 lbs) baby will decide to come a little early! (I wouldn't be disappointed, as long as baby is fully cooked).

Meanwhile, J and I have been getting all the baby stuff ready and it's starting to come together. So, for today, things are good and I'm not having crying jags in the car. Stay tuned to see if the positivity continues or if I'm back to melting down by tomorrow! 

Another ultrasound another issue

Well, it looks like this baby wants to put me through the wringer here. ;) this morning we had a really great ultrasound with very cool 3D photos of our baby's face. Baby is measuring big. Book says s/he should be about 3.75 lbs and ours is weighing in at a whopping 4 lbs 14 ounces. That's almost 5 lbs at 32 weeks! Yikes! So I'm not going crazy. This is a big baby I'm growing here! That is the good news.

The not so good news is that the umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby's neck TWICE. This is not super common apparently so they ordered a Non-Stress Test or NST, which we passed. We have another ultrasound scheduled for next week.

I'm doing my best to not panic, as the doctor told me that would do no good and that I shouldn't really need to panic anyway. I really hope this doesn't affect our desire for a vaginal and not C section birth. I guess that remains to be seen, and of course, I'll do what's best for baby. 

My friends tell me I should have some good karma coming my way and hopefully we'll have a great sleeper with a fantastic temperament. Who knows. What I do know is this baby looks a lot like my other. Both are spitting images of their father. I'll attach a new belly photo and some cool 3D images of what I think will be my son! (Though we still don't know for sure!)

Ultrasound #4 - finally some good news!

Well, I'm excited to finally have some good news to share. This baby is growing like a weed! Today I should be measuring 26w1d according to the doc. Well, baby is measuring 27w4d. More than a week ahead. No wonder I'm so much bigger!

The doc also noted that my placenta had grown a lot too and now the placental lakes that she had been so concerned about are much smaller in comparison to the entire placenta. This means huge sigh of relief! They even said we could wait 6 weeks before our next ultrasound. Bittersweet, because I'll miss seeing him/her but I'm glad they're less worried and I feel like the time will fly by. We're away almost every weekend and then for a full week of vacation in late July.

They asked if we wanted to try to get a glimpse of baby's face on the 3d ultrasound. Why not? But s/he wasn't totally cooperating so the face is smushed into my uterus and looks a little weird. Anyway, I'm feeling really great about the appointment today. 

I'm excited to show Little T when she gets home. I've been working on her third birthday party favors and props so she'll probably care more about those than pics of her soon-to-be sibling, but I'm excited to show her anyway.

I'll attach today's ultrasound pics and an update of the belly at 26 weeks:

Ultrasound #3

I know it's been awhile, but we have been busy! 

Everything seems to be progressing well with the baby. We had our ultrasound this morning. I'm feeling more and more like it will be a boy, but we haven't seen any proof of that. Just a hunch. The baby's growth is excellent. S/he is right on target (1lb3oz), but of course, as is familiar with this pregnancy, there is an issue.

It seems that my placenta is presenting as atypical. It has very large "lakes" within it. This means there is extra fluid on the surface of my placenta, which show up on ultrasound as dark spots. They told us this the last time we had an ultrasound and then said they wanted to monitor us monthly. They don't really know what it means, just that it isn't normal. She said it sometimes leads to smaller babies, in theory, but that she hasn't actually seen that happen.

At today's appointment the doctor was shocked when she saw just how big the lakes were. That made me pretty nervous, but she was great. She reassured us that the baby is growing right on track, so we would just continue the monthly monitoring to make sure the baby was growing properly, so I'm focusing on that. 

I also got some great pictures of the baby, who seems to have the same profile as his/her sister. 

Overall, we're feeling really positive that the baby is growing steadily and moving like crazy. 

Here is my belly at 22weeks:

And here are some shots of baby (the first is 3D):

17 weeks 2 days

I'm finally starting to feel better! The nausea is waning and is really only sporadic. I do get indigestion and shortness of breath pretty easily, but I've started taking daily walks with J and Little T every morning. About 3.5 miles and that will hopefully help with my out of shape lungs! 

Feeling so good of course gets me slightly worried because I'm not feeling very much kicking quite yet. Maybe once a day I'll feel something. Some days I feel nothing. Those are the days I worry. I hope I start feeling kicks regularly soon, to ease my worry. 

I get to see the baby next Tuesday. A week from today. That is also the day that Little T has her first soccer practice, so a very exciting and hopefully very happy day for our family. 

That's pretty much all for now. I figured I should maybe do a shot of my bump, for posterity. So I'll attach that as well. 

Til next week!  

Looking good

I was reminded by someone today (Darla, thank you!) that I need to keep up with this blog. I had always intended to, but I've just been sick and tired and didn't have much else to report. I don't ever want to seem ungrateful for this pregnancy, so I hate whining. 

But today I have good news. I went to the doctor this afternoon and even though my uterus still seems to be tilted back, we were able to hear the heartbeat and it was wonderful! I'm 14.5 weeks and his/her heart rate was 145 beats per minute. I could have listened to it all day! Little T got to hear it too. She said it was "really loud!" It startled her which was very cute. She has named the baby too. Convinced that the baby is a girl and fresh off watching her favorite movie of the moment, Frozen, she has dubbed the baby "Elsa (last name) Baby Sister." I keep reminding her that it could be a brother but she is not hearing it. 

Anyway, everything else seems to be right on track. I think I'm gaining weight too fast, but the doc said she is not the least bit worried, so I feel good about that. 

I feel good about a lot of things lately, and that's new, so I'm grateful. 

Now if only this pesky nausea would disappear!

A little brighter

Well, I'm starting to accept that it will only be one addition to our family, even though I keep having dreams that they are adding more to my pregnant belly. The dreams have been really wacky.

My belly is really starting to look pregnant. To me, it looks very big, especially compared to how small it was last time at this point. My guess is that my body was preparing for two and got a little ahead of itself. I'm really looking forward to seeing our baby under less scary and sad circumstances next week. We decided that this time we would go through with the prenatal testing. We skipped it with Little T, knowing that we wouldn't terminate no matter the outcome. We were trying to spare ourselves the unnecessary worry. This time, honestly, I think I just couldn't pass up the chance to see our baby again so soon. I knew waiting for the 20 week appointment would be excrutiating. I'm impatient under the best circumstances. You can imagine how I'd be waiting over 8 more weeks!

My nausea is still around, but I think it may be waning. There are moments when I can actually say I feel ok during the day, which is new! 

I'm incredibly bloated, but that comes with the territory. I'm trying to stay away from the main culprits (black beans, peppers, onions) and choose other healthy sides (green beans, salad, tomatoes, yum)

Emotionally, I'm definitely still sad, but I'm more hopeful now and I'm looking forward to being able to feel the baby. I think that will serve as a great bonding experience. Right now, I admit I feel a little detached. Certainly not the same as with Little T, but I think it's just because of what we've been through. And I just know that once I can feel him/her, I will really start to feel like this is all real. 

I'll try to be better with my updates. I just didn't really know what to say. Everyone in my life has been so great through this. I got flowers and chocolate covered strawberries from my friends and loads of texts and emails and phone calls and hugs. I feel very loved and supported and for that I'm incredibly grateful. Thanks to all of you who've been there for us. It really means more than you know.

Bittersweet

Well, I went in for my second ultrasound today to see the babies. Baby B looks great. Measuring ahead of schedule at 10 weeks and 5 days. Unfortunately, we lost Baby A back a week or two ago. 

My feelings are all over the place. I'm so sad about my lost baby, but I am trying to remember that it wouldn't have passed away if it was healthy. It just wasn't right for this world I guess. I'm struggling to re-envision what our world will look like with just one baby come this Fall.

I also am feeling incredibly grateful that we still have Baby B and that s/he looked great, wiggling and dancing away in there. I guess it is just going to take some time to get used to. I had really gotten used to the idea of twins and really had started to look forward to them sharing their lives together, and with us,  so knowing that won't happen is hard.

I'm not sure what else to say. I'm sad today.

I'm back!

Just realized how long it's been since I'd last posted. Not too much has been going on. Basically, I wake up every morning feeling sick, then I feel sick all day until I finally go to sleep feeling sick. I don't want to keep complaining on and on about it, because this is what we wanted so much and I'm so grateful that I'm still pregnant and therefore still sick. But I also do want to document it for my future self and for anyone else who is wondering how it feels being pregnant with twins (or at least how it felt for me).

That said, it has been tough. They put me on Diclegis, which is an antihistamine and B6. It takes the edge off the nausea, so that helps some., but it makes me incredibly tired, which is redundant because I'm in my first trimester so I'm already incredibly tired. I could sleep all day if given the chance!

I'm still on my PIO shots but looking forward to stopping them on Sunday. I get to stop the estrace then as well. Part of me worries about what my hormone levels will do once I'm off the extras, but the other part of me will be glad not to have to take them anymore. 

I get to see Hall and Oates on Tuesday! My first OBGYN appt. I'll have an ultrasound then meet with the doc afterward. 

I have managed to gain a couple of pounds. I'm basically back where I started the pregnancy (135). And just in the last few days, I've really noticed my stomach starting to grow. I'm sure it's not babies yet, but it could be my uterus expanding and pushing my organs up. Ew. Sounds gross!

Anyway, I'm hanging in and hoping to start feeling better sometime in the next month. 

I'll update as things develop. And with pics on Tuesday!

Ultrasound Day - Part Two

It's twins!!! We are so insanely happy and I am too sick and tired to write more, but I will, in the coming days! Thank you all so much for the (continued) prayers!! 

Ultrasound day!!! Part One

Sorry I've been MIA. I've been incredibly nauseous and exhausted every waking minute for the last two weeks or so, and I didn't want to come off as whiny. Especially after wanting so badly to get to this point. 

Well, today is the day we've been waiting for...ultrasound day! We're heading in this morning to see what exactly is going on in my uterus to make me so sick! ;) 

I am very excited and a little nervous. Part of me is hoping for twins and another part is afraid of them. I think I'll feel kind of silly if it's just one considering I've been reading books about twins for the past two weeks, but I'll get over it. Really, as cliched as it sounds, I just want to find healthy baby or babies. 

I'll check in later with the update!

5 weeks 6 days

Well, yeah, I must be pregnant, because the nausea has officially hit. It's been slowly ramping up. Today I have felt pretty awful, which feels terrific, if you know what I mean! 

I still have 9 days until my ultrasound, so any sign that everything is ok makes me very happy, even if it makes me very nauseous.

I also have a cold, so that isn't helping things, but eating small amounts of food all day is helping. I also have some lemon ginger tea and actually my favorite peppermint gum seems to help the most. I think I have about 2-3 weeks before it should peak and then hopefully start to decline. 

My last pregnancy, I felt the tiniest bit of queasiness starting exactly at 6 weeks. This time, it started a day or two before 5 weeks. Maybe this means it will end sooner?! That would be excellent. I know It peaked around 8-9 weeks and started feeling better between 12-14 weeks last time. That seems like such a long way away! 

Well, anyway, all's well for now. I haven't had any new bleeding since the scare on monday night and I'm thrilled about that. I'm just happy to be feeling pregnant.  Hopefully it stays that way!

Better news

Ok, so the bleeding seems to have stopped. It went on for maybe 2 hours last night. Not very much blood, but enough to be terrifying. Definitely not spotting. Anyway, I woke up this morning and there was nothing, thank God. 

I updated the nurse this morning and she said that was what she was expecting and she was happy to hear it. She said it may continue. No sex (as if), no exercise, no vacuuming, no lifting Little T, but otherwise, just go about my day (again, as if!)

I'm feeling better about it and really just hoping and praying for the best. I go back on Feb 10th (almost 2 weeks away) for my ultrasound. It is really going to take forever now! But I'm actually feeling positive. I woke up nauseous this morning, which I'm taking as a good sign. Most of me truly believes that everything is going to be fine.

Any prayers, good thoughts, etc. are majorly appreciated. Thanks!!

So scared...warning TMI

I was sitting on the couch talking to J, watching Little T do a puzzle, when I felt a small gush in my underwear. I figured it was just the lovely discharge of pregnancy. I was wrong. Very wrong. It was blood. I went to pee a few minutes later and saw the bright blood in my underwear. Then a few small clots in the toilet. Instant terror. I called the emergency nurse line and got an operator who said they would call back within 30 mins.

20 excrutiating minutes later, the phone rang. My usual nurse, Ann had called back. She told me that I was the third call like this she's had today. She told me how very common it is in early pregnancy, especially with IVF. Something about how they implant the embryos... She told me all my symptoms sounded normal and that I should just watch it. Make sure I didn't soak through a heavy pad in an hour. If I did, it was off to the ER. But if not, I'm supposed to watch myself, drink loads of fluids and call her with an update tomorrow. I told her I was feeling dizzy and nauseous, but she thinks that's because I'm so upset. 

I'm doing my very best to believe my nurse, who didn't seem worried at all and hope that all is well. Please pray for us, if you do that sort of thing. I'm scared to death. I really want this pregnancy. 

5 weeks 1 day

Wow. The fatigue has set in. I had such an awesome weekend with my girlfriends up in NH. We laughed, danced, snowshoed, ate, shopped and just had the best time. I definitely stayed up too late both nights, and it was worth it, but wow! I am tired today!

I've spent the day cleaning up after J and Little T's weekend of fun and getting my usual work and chores done. I've been puzzling and playing with Little T too. And took her to her well-child checkup. She is a trooper! Didn't even flinch with the flu shot. And she's as healthy as can be, which I'm always grateful for.

But now that the day is winding down, I'm finding that I'm just exhausted. I could probably fall asleep standing up. And I have had a few waves of nausea over the last few days. And my first aversion and craving. Bacon made me incredibly nauseous, while carrots were the tastiest things ever (very unusual for me). 

Time is ever so slowly ticking by on our journey toward the first ultrasound. Two weeks from today. It can't come soon enough!

4 weeks 5 days pregnant

So I forgot to report my results from my second beta. It was great. 1585, which is more than doubled. I'm very pleased with this. My progesterone was 15.5 which she told me was good. And they have scheduled my ultrasound for Feb 10th. That's when we'll find out how many are in there. I can not wait!!

In more painful news, they also told me I have to continue with my PIO shots and Estrace until 10 weeks. Ugggh. My backside is covered in red dots and bruising from the shots and I'm so sore. But if this is what it takes, that's what we do!

As far as symptoms, I don't really have too many yet. It's still so early. Just fatigue, which is getting worse everyday. Very sore back, which could be from my tilted uterus. And some mild nausea if I go too long without eating. 

I've been losing weight so I started adding some light snacks to my schedule.

This weekend I'm excited to be heading out for a girl's weekend up in NH. I'm sad that I won't be able to ski or ride, but I'm planning to do some snowshoeing, which will be nice. Get some fresh (frickin cold) air! 

Have a nice weekend!

Beta day!!

Happy Martin Luther King day! Or Happy beta day!!!

I woke up early this morning and high tailed it to the doc's office for my blood draw at 7:30 am. Then I (im)patiently waited the 5+ hours for a result. :(

Ok, so to give you an idea. On 15dpo (today for me), the average beta hCG level for a single pregnancy is around 139. For twins, it's 263. My nurses said they were hoping for over 100. So, what was my number, you ask?

680.

Whaaaaat?! How many are in there?! We only transferred two, so it's probably just two, but there is always the chance of one embryo splitting (identicals), so technically there could be up to four. Obviously, that would be incredibly rare. We're thinking it's twins, but that I just happen to have high numbers, which some women do. 

I'll go back on Wednesday for another blood draw to be sure that our numbers are doubling nicely. I really can't wait until we get an ultrasound to find out how many babies we have in there! Eek! So happy!

I am superwoman!

Tonight I gave myself my own PIO intramuscular shot in the booty! My sister-in-law was my witness (and back up in case I chickened out or passed out!) 

But I worked up the courage and stuck that 1 1/2 inch needle in my butt. It bled a little and hurt for a quick second, but then it was over and I am proud.

Going to bed feeling like superwoman tonight. 

9dp5dt - frosties!

I've been checking the mail obsessively all week to see if we got our news about how many embryos were frozen, if any. Still nothing in the mailbox. But today, over a week after our transfer, I decided to call and ask them. I'm very happy to report that we have 3 frosties waiting for us, should we need them.

Other than that, there's nothing much to report. I've been tired all day, waking up early to pee (mostly on pregnancy tests), sore breasts, sporadic mild nausea, but otherwise, no big changes. My lines on the pregnancy tests I keep taking (every morning since Wednesday) keep getting darker, which is solidifying the reality of it for me. I just hope that tomorrow's blood test will give us a little more information. 

There are two factors to consider. 

HCG levels: The higher the number tomorrow, the more likely it's twins.

And Doubling times: They will take my blood tomorrow and then take it again two days later to see how fast the numbers are doubling. The faster the doubling time, the better the chance that it's twins. 

So, more waiting!! You'd think I'd start getting good at this, but nope.

Ok, halftime is over. Go Pats!!

7dp5dt it's slowly sinking in

Im very slowly coming to terms with the wonderful fact that we're pregnant. I spent a lot of today googling pictures of pregnancy tests at 12dpo (which is today for me) and found that my HCG seems to be higher than most. (My line is darker than most). This makes me think that we have a big possibility of twins. Which excites AND terrifies me. 

My emotions are all over the place so far, which is consistent with my test results! ;) I'm oscillating between relief, happiness, terror, elation, fear, anxiety, and shock. Which, I guess is to be expected. I'm mostly just feeling happy, but J is in full action mode. He's talking about moving and buying vans, and strollers and cribs and it's really freaking me out, but I get where he's coming from. I just hope he slows it down some! I still haven't even had my blood test! One thing at a time!

Anyway, physically, I'm feeling well. I've been feeling really tired and had a few waves of the mildest nausea. Wouldn't it be wonderful if that were the worst of it?! Amazing...but unlikely! I can feel things happening down in my uterus, hard to explain but general "under construction" feelings.

Well, better get some work done while Little T is napping...or more likely google some more stuff I shouldn't, like pregnant twin bellies and other terrifying things!

Peeing on everything...

Top to bottom...Wednesday (5dp5dt), Thursday (6dp5dt), Friday (7dp5dt). They're getting darker!! Hooray!!

From PUPO to Pregnant!

I was on my way home from work on Wednesday when I decided I was going to test again. I just knew I wouldn't be able to wait, not even for First Morning Urine. J had bought me some more sensitive tests and I was itching to give them a try.

Actually, I was sweating, and shaking, and my heart was beating a million miles a minute...for my whole 45 minute commute. I was gearing up. 

So I tore into the house, let the dog out, very impatiently waited for him to finish his business, threw my purse and bag and child in various places on the way to the bathroom. Ran back, put Mickey Mouse on to distract the child for the 3 minutes I would need.

Peed. Dipped. Waited. Stared at that test for a full minute. The control line came up right away but nothing else! So I covered it and just resigned myself to the fact that it would probably be negative. At the three minute mark (almost 5 hours later) I lifted the cover and saw the faintest of lines right there where it was always blank. I was pregnant. The line was faint but unmistakeable.

I snapped a picture to my sister and called my husband. He was in shock but happy. I'd say mostly relieved actually. 

When T got her picture she didn't see the second line and scolded me for testing too early. I had to tell her...zoom in!! Then she saw it and was thrilled for us too, but not before asking if it could be a false positive. I told her no and she was so happy!

I've since told my mother and siblings and Jamie's parents and now all of you! It makes me really nervous that people know this early, but with all the people who helped out with this cycle, there was really no way of avoiding it. If you know me in real life, which almost all of you do, please make sure to keep this to yourselves. We have a long way to go and I don't plan to tell people outside of my close friends and family until later. 

I now have the tough job of waiting until Monday for my beta numbers and then waiting for an ultrasound to see if we will have one or two little miracles. Yikes!!

I just want to take a second to say thanks to all of you who have gotten us here. It's been such a long road and so many of you sent texts and emails and phone calls and hugs and words of support. I can't tell you how much it helped. How loved we feel. And I hope our bab(ies) will one day feel all that love and know how much they were wanted....by all of us!

Wordless Wednesday

I'm scared

In the interest of honesty, I figured I should mention that today is the first time I've been aware how scared I am. Throughout this whole process, I guess I've sort of convinced myself that since we've gone the donor egg route and our problem was my eggs and I've been pregnant before, that there was only one way that this could end. Happily with a big fat positive pregnancy test. But seeing that stark white test this morning reminded me that there is another possible outcome. This is just not something I'm comfortable mentioning or even thinking about for too long, because we've all gone to such great lengths to get here.

We got over the fact that we couldn't use my eggs. We put my sister through the wringer. We put our family and friends through all these ups and downs and now we have no control over the outcome and that really scares me. And to add insult to injury we have no idea how many, if any, frozen embryos we have left if this does go the other way.

I am still remaining positive. The odds are good. Damn good compared to our last few cycles. But I just felt like I was lying if I didn't write about how scary this all is.

I hope in a week I'll be able to laugh at how anxious I was. 

4dp5dt

Here is what is going on today, according to NYU Fertility Center:

"Implantation Continues"

Here is what is going on today, according to me:

- Wake up at 6am, lay in bed deciding whether or not to POAS for half an hour

- get up, POAS, squint, search and beg for a second line that never comes

- go back to bed. Google "4dp5dt, bfn, positive later" and several other versions of that

- feel much better after finding data suggesting what I already know. Too early to test

- grab and smoosh breasts to see if they are sore, which they are, probably from checking them to see if they are sore

- lay in bed wondering if the mild cramping is from digestion or early pregnancy

- get up, make breakfast, take a prenatal, a DHA, a Vitamin D, a baby aspirin and 2 Estrace

- go back to the bathroom. Fish the hpt out of the trash. Check for a line. Still no line. Not even a squinter. Definitely a BFN

- eat yogurt with granola while checking the Inspire website to see how my fellow infertiles are doing

- weigh myself. Notice I'm a few pounds lighter, make a mental note to google that  later to see if it's an early pregnancy symptom.

- take a shower, check body obsessively for any sign of pregnancy. 

- whine about major lower back pain. Wonder if that's also a symptom. (It is!)

- now dry hair. Text sister about bfn. She's more nervous than I am. Send her said data about being too early.

- get in car. Drive to acupuncture to get babies to implant.

- during acupuncture able to focus on something other than potential pregnancy for approximately 3 Mins. great success.

- have lunch with J and mom. Talk about how I'm feeling. Wonder whether I am pregnant.

- get home and start blogging about how much I am thinking about whether or not I'm pregnant.

- remember to google weight loss in early pregnancy. (Also a good sign!)

- mayyyybe start folding the clean laundry that's been piled up for a week?!

- spend the rest of the day trying not to think about the only thing I'm able to think about

- watch Law & Order SVU while I pass out from the progesterone.

- wake up on 5dp5dt and start all over again. Only tomorrow, I won't start by POAS!!

3dp5dt - update

I'm losing my will power already. I have done the math. I have exactly 7 dollar store pregnancy tests in my bathroom closet. That means I could start tomorrow and have one for each day leading up to the beta test.

Tomorrow is insanely early and would almost definitely be negative, but of course Dr. Google has shown me many women who have had their BFPs (Big Fat Positives) at 4dp5dt, which means that OF COURSE I should start testing tomorrow...right?! NO!  That is so early and would just be disappointing...unless I remind myself that it will probably be negative. Then I won't be crushed when it's negative. But if I KNOW it's going to be negative, I shouldn't do it!  But it COULD be positive.

Oh God. I'm going crazy!! And it's only been 3 days!!

Also, to those wondering how I'm feeling, my lower back really hurts, I'm a little crampy, slightly bloated with a heavy feeling in my uterus, and I'm completely unable to concentrate on any other thing than how this will end. Ugh.

Babies' first portrait

Here are our two beautiful expanded blasts. These are photos of photos so the quality isn't the best. I enhanced a couple and left one unaltered. As you can see one of them is already hatching (the one with the growth coming out of it). One is grade AB and one is BB. Here they are:

2dp5dt

Today I am 2 days post 5 day transfer (or in infertility site jargon, 2dp5dt). I've felt a few little twinges in my uterus, but nothing too telling. All my other symptoms are the same as before my transfer. They can all be attributed to the progesterone, the Estrace, or both.

According to a timeline I found online, this is what is happening today:

The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus

I've been visualizing the little embryos hatching and attaching all weekend. 

Been thinking of nicknames for the little embryos too. I'm leaning toward Thing 1 and Thing 2. J calls them Bert and Ernie. My mother calls them Itchy and Scratchy. Any other suggestions?

I was lucky enough to have J's aunt, a Nurse, administer my PIO shots the last few nights while he was out. No disrespect to J, but it was so much better coming from a professional! No soreness at all! Tonight, I am in J's hands, so wish me luck! ;)

Nothing else to report. I've been taking it easy. Googling and counting the days till I can test.

Transfer day!

Today is the big day.

My mother met us at the clinic, so that she could take Little T on a short adventure while we did our thing. 

I'm here now. I read all the forms, while drinking the requisite 3 cups of water. They just brought me warm blankets to wear and a glorious Valium that I took happily. Loooove the Valium. 

Now I'm sitting in the waiting area, warm and cozy, a little loopy, sipping my water waiting for our time to go in and find out about how many embryos we have and how they are doing. 

I have to take a moment here to say how extraordinary the nursing staff is here. They are warm and kind and genuinely happy and hopeful for you. They remembered us from last week and made sure to ask about how my sister was doing. They expressed their hope for our success and even gave me a little hug. It just feels really nice to be so excited and have them reflect that excitement and make you feel like your success matters to them.

Ok, I'll pick this back up once the transfer is over. Eeeeee so excited!! 

.............

 We just finished our transfer of two "beautiful blasts" one was AB and one was BB and one of the two was hatching, which is a really good sign! 

The whole procedure didnt take more than 20 minutes. We went in with a very full bladder. They checked my wrist band several times to make sure it was me. Then they checked my bladder via ultrasound. Ugh. Not fun having someone push on your bladder when it's full. Then they brought us a picture of the embryos and ran them through the catheter into my uterus. They called the procedure perfect and everybody seemed really impressed with the quality and state of the blasts, which fills me with hope that at least one and maybe two will implant. 

We asked how many were leftover. They only freeze the very best, so they told us that we have 4 in the running to be frozen. They will watch then for another day and then freeze the ones that are eligible. We asked if someone would call us, but apparently we have to wait for a letter in the mail about a week from now. Ugh. More waiting. But we're hopeful that we'll have some in the freezer!

Now I'm off to acupuncture to give these babies the best chance to stick!

I'm sure I'll be updating throughout the week to let you know how I'm doing during this terrible wait. My beta is scheduled for 1/20. So, we'll know for sure then! Any and all prayers, hopeful vibes and warm thoughts are so appreciated. 

Huge thanks to my amazing family, T in particular, who are gotten us this far. I can't wait to find out that it was all worth it!  

Oh and as of this minute, I'm am PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise)! Hooray!!

Transfer scheduled for Day 5

Well, we made it past day 3!!! At last check yesterday we had 10 embryos still growing. Much to my horror, I found out this afternoon that I will not get any further updates on our beloved embryos until I show up on Friday for the transfer. We could show up and there could be one or ten or any number in between. That is terrifying to me. I hate the unknown. It was hard enough the first few days, having to wait until 3:30 for my updates. Now I have to wait 2 days! Ugh. I guess it's good practice for the dreaded 2 week wait.

Yesterday, I did acupuncture for the first time in months to ready my body for the transfer. It went very well. I felt relaxed and happy afterwards. I will try to schedule another acupuncture session for later on the day of the transfer. My acupuncturist said she'd do what she could to shift things around and squeeze me in.

In other news, my PIO shots have made my lower back/upper booty incredibly sore. I try to massage the site right after the injection and use a heating pad, but the truth is that it's just sore. 

My irritability is at an excruciating level. Especially for those living with me. And I've been falling asleep really early. Usually by 8:30 or 9:00. 

But otherwise, I'm still putting one foot in front of the other. That's all I can really do now. I'm hoping these next couple of days fly by! Actually, I'm really hoping these next couple of weeks fly by!

Day 2 embryo report

10 still growing strong.  They gave me an 11:30 appointment for tomorrow but when I asked she said they will almost definitely push me to Friday. I'll find out tomorrow morning. Keep praying for those embies to grow grow grow!!

Day 1 Embryo report

We have 11 embryos growing!! I am told this is an excellent number. We will still lose some each day, so I'm praying that many will survive until Friday.

They will call me today with an update on my embryos and an appointment time for Wednesday for our transfer. Then Wednesday morning they will call me before 8:30 am to let me know whether the transfer will be that day or Friday. This decision is made based on our quantity and quality of embryos. If we have many, great looking embryos left on Wednesday morning, they'll push the transfer to Friday.

I'm asking for a favor this time. We could use all the prayers and good thoughts for lots of healthy embryos. We'd really love to be able to have some to freeze at the end of the week, in case we need two tries to get this right. I don't want to put my sister through this again and I don't think we can afford to even if she would do it. 

So, all our eggs are in this basket. Any prayers are so appreciated. Thank you!!

Retrieval day

It's been a long morning already. I had a terrible time trying to sleep. I'm not sure if I was nervous about this morning or reacting to my first PIO shot last night, or more likely, a combination of the two.

We dropped Little T off at my MIL's house and went to Lexington for the procedure. We were a little too early, which meant more waiting than we would have liked, but better early than late I say. We arrived around 8:10 and we sat and joked and got T checked in. At 9:00, Jamie went and made his donation. Then at about 9:35 they walked T into the back room and we were asked to sit in the waiting room. 

So, that's where I am now. Thank God for iPhones. We are sitting around listening to the other couples around us who are also waiting and reading our phones.

I'm typing this, which is helping to pass the time. The waiting is always the worst part for me. I just can't wait to hear that T is doing great and we can go see her. I am also dying to hear that magical number, whatever it is, that will determine how we proceed. God, I hope it's a lot! J and I have taken guesses. He says 10. I say 15 (wishful thinking?). One way or another, we'll know soon. I'll be sure to update when we do. Time to go do some more waiting...

She's awake!!! We got 15!!!!! FIFTEEEEEEEN!!! So excited! Ok, gotta go take care of the patient!!

First PIO shot

Ahhhhh I'm kind of freaking out. We're about to do the first Progesterone in Oil injection. This is an intramuscular injection with a huge needle that goes in your upper buttocks (which is really almost your lower back, right where your love handles are). J just sterilized me. Annnnd....

Ooh. Quick pinch and then nothing. J says he's gonna throw up. I reminded him that first he needs to massage the area and then he's free to go throw up.   Pretty sure that was much worse for him than for me. Glad it's over...only 10 or so more weeks of daily PIO shots left... if we're successful, which we plan to be. ;)

Dying to find out how many eggs we have tomorrow. It's gonna be such a long week waiting for the call everyday to hear how our little embryos are doing. I can't wait to get started. Wish us luck!

Egg Retrieval is set for Sunday!

My sister's flights keep getting delayed, but so far neither is cancelled. Good thing because nurse Ann just called to say that we're a go for retrieval on Sunday!

Which is exciting, but also means a tricky plan for T. She will have to fly from Denver to Kansas City, mix her Gonal f and Menopur in one vial, mix her HCG in another vial while on her layover. Then board her flight to Boston. 

At exactly 9:25 pm EST she will inject the menopur and Gonal f. At exactly 9:30 pm EST she will inject the HCG, in the airplane bathroom, on her way to Boston. Poor girl. 

Then my parents will pick her up at Logan Airport in Boston at midnight (as of now).

Her estradiol is up to 1956, which means about 9 eggs are mature. She has a total of 18 follicles from 12-24 mm, so more of them could mature before Sunday (hopefully several). I realize I'm getting greedy now, but I want the best chance possible!

As for me, I will take my last shot of Lupron tonight, continue with the 6 mg of Estrace daily and the baby aspirin. Then tomorrow night will be my first intramuscular injection of PIO (progesterone in Oil). Totally nervous about that, but hopefully it'll be fine.

Then on Sunday morning, our Merry trio will head to Lexington for our Egg Retrieval at 9:30 am. J will provide his sample while T is having her eggs retrieved. I can't wait!

Meantime, think mature thoughts for the rest of those follicles!

My beautiful lining

 I had my bloodwork done yesterday. It took three pokes for her to realize that I was too dehydrated for my sludgy blood to be taken (ouch, ouch, ouch). After 6 very large cups of water (and after my super fun transvaginal ultrasound) I was finally able to give them some blood. (And had they needed it, I could have given them many urine samples). My estradiol was at a 307, which they are very happy with. And I'm told my lining was "beautiful at 10.5 mm." *blush* I don't mean to brag, but yes, my nurse thinks my uterine lining is beautiful. Try not to be jealous.

As for T, her estradiol levels are rising as they should. She was at 1716 yesterday. That meant that she had to start her Ganirelix last night to be sure she wouldn't ovulate too soon. Estradiol levels are said to show 200 for each mature follicle. She had 7 follicles on her left up to 19 mm in size and 9 on her right up to 16 mm in size. 

I spoke with her this morning and she said the ultrasound tech reported 9 follicles above 16 mm today. This is so exciting. That means 9 of them are at a size where they can/will be retrieved. And since follicles can grow up to 2 mm a day, we could have several more by the time of the retrieval. We're waiting for the nurse to call and tell us what to do next, but if I had to guess, I'd say they would trigger her tonight and do the retrieval on Sunday!

IN TWO DAYS!!!

I can't believe we're finally this close. I find that I am so nervous. I'm nervous that they won't time it right and the eggs will not be mature or they'll be too mature, or that there will be lots of follicles but no eggs. Or they won't fertilize properly. I'm nervous about T's flights being delayed or cancelled due to weather. I'm nervous about her taking the trigger shot at the wrong time because of the time zones. I'm nervous about everything that could go wrong, but deep down I just have a great feeling about this...somewhere under all that anxiety is hope. Way under it.

It's going to be a long week.

Oh but in the interest of good signs. We had a snow day here. J got to go in to work a couple hours late so he made us some eggs and bacon this morning for a special treat. One of the eggs had two yolks. Twins!! We're calling it a good sign.