In the interest of honesty, I figured I should mention that today is the first time I've been aware how scared I am. Throughout this whole process, I guess I've sort of convinced myself that since we've gone the donor egg route and our problem was my eggs and I've been pregnant before, that there was only one way that this could end. Happily with a big fat positive pregnancy test. But seeing that stark white test this morning reminded me that there is another possible outcome. This is just not something I'm comfortable mentioning or even thinking about for too long, because we've all gone to such great lengths to get here.
We got over the fact that we couldn't use my eggs. We put my sister through the wringer. We put our family and friends through all these ups and downs and now we have no control over the outcome and that really scares me. And to add insult to injury we have no idea how many, if any, frozen embryos we have left if this does go the other way.
I am still remaining positive. The odds are good. Damn good compared to our last few cycles. But I just felt like I was lying if I didn't write about how scary this all is.
I hope in a week I'll be able to laugh at how anxious I was.
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