A little brighter

Well, I'm starting to accept that it will only be one addition to our family, even though I keep having dreams that they are adding more to my pregnant belly. The dreams have been really wacky.

My belly is really starting to look pregnant. To me, it looks very big, especially compared to how small it was last time at this point. My guess is that my body was preparing for two and got a little ahead of itself. I'm really looking forward to seeing our baby under less scary and sad circumstances next week. We decided that this time we would go through with the prenatal testing. We skipped it with Little T, knowing that we wouldn't terminate no matter the outcome. We were trying to spare ourselves the unnecessary worry. This time, honestly, I think I just couldn't pass up the chance to see our baby again so soon. I knew waiting for the 20 week appointment would be excrutiating. I'm impatient under the best circumstances. You can imagine how I'd be waiting over 8 more weeks!

My nausea is still around, but I think it may be waning. There are moments when I can actually say I feel ok during the day, which is new! 

I'm incredibly bloated, but that comes with the territory. I'm trying to stay away from the main culprits (black beans, peppers, onions) and choose other healthy sides (green beans, salad, tomatoes, yum)

Emotionally, I'm definitely still sad, but I'm more hopeful now and I'm looking forward to being able to feel the baby. I think that will serve as a great bonding experience. Right now, I admit I feel a little detached. Certainly not the same as with Little T, but I think it's just because of what we've been through. And I just know that once I can feel him/her, I will really start to feel like this is all real. 

I'll try to be better with my updates. I just didn't really know what to say. Everyone in my life has been so great through this. I got flowers and chocolate covered strawberries from my friends and loads of texts and emails and phone calls and hugs. I feel very loved and supported and for that I'm incredibly grateful. Thanks to all of you who've been there for us. It really means more than you know.