Happy New Year's Eve!!

It is New Year's Eve, so I've absolutely been reflecting on the last year that we've been through. It was one year ago this week that I first called to make an appointment with the RE. What a roller coaster of a year!

January - DOR diagnosis

February - IUI Fail.

April- Approved for IVF

May - IVF converted to IUI, poor response

July-Sept - IVF #2. Made it to transfer (day 2) but still FAIL.

October - chose T as our donor. got started.

December - Started DE cycle.

There have been a lot of tough moments this year for us concerning infertility, but in the rest of our lives, we have had a lot to be excited about. We've made some truly amazing friends this year. Some we could really imagine being lifelong friends with. Caring, supportive, silly and incredibly fun friends. We've seen some of our old friends blossom and find their way in what they love to do. Our extended family has enjoyed good health and in some cases some really exciting success.

And now, one full year into our RE-led journey (5 years since we first decided to start a family), we will be doing something that finally has a great chance of letting us bring home the sibling(s) we have wanted for Little T. So, yeah, it's been a tough year, maybe the toughest. But looking back I think maybe it was for a reason. We now know how lucky we are to have the family and friends who have all put so much into this for us. Wanting, wishing, hoping and outright helping us to fulfill our dream of adding to our family. It's a year that has taught me personally how blessed I am and I'm thankful for that.

Tonight is New Year's Eve and I am really looking forward to spending it celebrating with our beloved new friends, reflecting on how we made it through 2013 and focusing on all the hope we have for 2014.

Our results are reflective of that hope.

My Estradiol is up to 204, double what we needed it to be. I will continue taking 10 units of Lupron, 1 baby aspirin, and tomorrow I will up my dose to two Estrace three times a day.  I go back on Thursday morning for my bloodwork and ultrasound to check my lining.

T had an Estradiol level of 533. She currently has 10 follicles at 10 mm or greater and 8 follicles at less than 10 mm. She will also go back on Thursday morning to see what has changed. She will continue her Gonal f and Menopur at the same dose (150 and 75 respectively).

Oh and that Nor'Easter for Thursday?  Yeah, I see you. I'm ignoring you.  It's a new year. New reason to hope that nothing will get in our way.

Happy New Year, everyone!

A snowstorm?! Really?!

Argggh the waiting. Well, tomorrow we'll know how T's ovaries are reacting to the meds. With any luck it's all going smoothly.

She reports feeling very bloated, full and tired. With some stomach aches. I'm hoping this means that her follicles are growing, but I also hope they're not growing too fast!  I guess that is what we'll find out tomorrow. It makes me feel so guilty thinking of her being so uncomfortable for us. She knows it's all for a good cause, and my hope is that it will be a successful one!

T is supposed to fly home on Friday in order to be here for whenever the retrieval will be this weekend or next week. Found out today that there's a snowstorm that is supposed to arrive on Friday as well. All I can say is, Mother Nature, please be kind.

I'll follow up with our results from tomorrow's bloodwork (for both of us) and ultrasound (for T).

Until then...thinking happy egg thoughts.

More side effects

Since starting the Estrace I've had some trouble sleeping which makes me tired during the day. My mood swings have been particularly nasty as well. I find that the smallest thing can set me off. Like for example, when my aunt repeatedly invites me to play Candy Crush, causing my phone to buzz over and over, making me want to go to her house, unplug her internet and ask her never to contact me again. That kind of irritability has been a staple the last week or so, so it could be the lupron, the estrace or even the pill when I was taking it, who knows! I just wish it would stop.

And when you're dealing with a toddler who is trying to kick the pacifier habit and potty training at the same time, it's not good to be so short on patience. Hopefully, I'll be back to normal soon enough!

As for T, she has reported a headache this morning and feeling slightly as though she's hungover despite not drinking any alcohol. I told her to drink more water and let me know if it gets worse. When I was cycling I got very bad headaches and they prescribed Fioricet which helped immensely. 

Hopefully her headaches will improve and not get worse. I'll keep you posted.

T's first injection

So yesterday T and I each had appointments.

Mine was for bloodwork to check my estradiol level. They wanted it to be above 50 and mine was at 94.4 so I will stay with 10 units of lupron and double my doses of estrace as planned (2 mgs twice daily), plus continue one baby aspirin a day. I go back on Tuesday to check bloodwork again. Our nurse says we're looking for around 100 on Tuesday. Considering I'm already at 94.4 and I'm doubling my dose, I hope that will be easy!

As for T, she had her baseline bloodwork (which was all just what it should be, she's sufficiently suppressed), and her ultrasound, which showed 30 follicles!!! If this is any indication of the amount of eggs she could produce then I am beyond thrilled. The real test will be to see what her follicles look like on Tuesday, to see what her response is to the meds and adjust the dosage accordingly.

Until Tuesday, T will be mixing 150 Gonal f, with 1/2 cc of water, with 75 units of menopur so that she only has to do one injection a night. She and I walked through it together last night, with her boyfriend, S, and they did a great job. It was a big success! So tonight she'll be doing it without my guidance. This control freak is a little nervous about not being privy to the shot, but I have total confidence in T and S to get it done properly. 

Now all I have to do is wait until Tuesday, New Year's Eve. Ugh. 3 more days! 

Today is Cycle Day 1

I went in for bloodwork this morning and I'm told they were hoping for an estradiol level of under 50. I crushed it. Coming in at a terrific 27.9. This means that I'm sufficiently suppressed and ready to start my Estrace (1mg twice daily), dial down my Lupron to 10 units, and start taking the baby aspirin J bought for me. They consider this to be my CD1.

Next step will be when T and I each go in on Friday. Her for bloodwork and ultrasound to check her levels and her follicles (I'm hoping for lots!). I just go for bloodwork to check my estradiol again. 

My last birth control pill was on Thursday. Within 2 days my weight had gone back down, the bloating was gone and my breasts felt like mine again. Hooray! On the bummer side, I've had bad low back pain since, just like I get when I'm PMSing and I spotted for a couple days before a full flow started on Sunday. I'm told this is very normal.

I can't say I'm looking forward to the side effects from the Estrace, but hopefully it won't be too bad. I'll make sure to update about that.  

Meantime, have a wonderful and Merry Christmas! I know I will! We have a lot to be happy about! 

Uterus gets the green light!

I'm very happy to report that the hysteroscopy was a huge success. For those wondering. My doctor used a speculum, then fed a camera through my cervix into my uterus to see if there was anything that would prevent the embryos from attaching. I felt a little bit of pressure and the whole uncomfortable procedure was over in less then 3 mins. I couldn't believe how quick it was. Thankfully and the doctor found that everything looked great! So, we've made it past another hurdle. I'll continue with my lupron and birth control until my blood test on Monday!

Oh also, T got her box of meds today. She was amazed at the amount of needles, syringes, etc. I remember feeling the same way during my first cycle. But it really gets easier each day. I'll make sure to walk her through each of her meds her first time, so she feels comfortable doing it herself. Thank God for Skype and FaceTime!

2 more side effects

I forgot to mention that I have definitely noticed way more zits than I usually have especially at this time in my cycle, so that is from the Birth Control.

The other side effect I discovered when I stepped on the scale. I am absolutely gaining weight. I haven't been this high since I was post-partum. I still think I look ok, but it is really difficult to see that I'm up 12 lbs since last year at this time. Now, luckily, it's more of an aesthetic than a health issue, because I'm not technically overweight. It's just a bummer. But I just keeping reminding myself that this will all be worth it in the end!

Side Effects and the next step.

I wanted to make sure that I documented some of the side effects. A lot of this may be TMI, but I want people who find this blog while searching for information about this process to know what they're in for, so here goes.

I've been on the birth control for over a week now (today is day 11), and the side effects that I can attribute to those pills are very, very sore breasts. They've grown some too. Same cup size but I definitely runneth over, which, anyone who knows me can attest, is not the norm. I am normally a smallish B, now I would say I'm a B+ haha, but with lots of nipple sensitivity and breast soreness.  Not such a bad side effect, especially for my sweaters!

The next would be a quick temper/moodiness. I get very over-stimulated fast if there are a lot of loud noises (TV is on, toddler is screaming, husband is talking, dogs are barking/whining). If that happens I get so tense I have to leave the room to chill out. Normally, I don't love all the chaos at once, but I can totally calm myself down. On these meds, I feel like I have way less control over my emotions.

Stomach issues. This one downright stinks. When I eat, let's just say it's generally followed shortly after by an unpleasant trip to the bathroom. I don't think I need to elaborate on this. :)

I started the Lupron on Friday, and thankfully, I have not noticed any new symptoms that I can attribute to this drug. Although, I did have one hot flash, and I know that's a known symptom of the Lupron, but otherwise, it's been easy peasy.

Tomorrow I have my hysteroscopy. I am very nervous about it. It's pretty much make or break for us. If everything looks good, then we move on. If not, we will have to take action (to remove any deal-breakers in there). If that's the case, it may push us back a month and there's no way I want to start all this over again. For Taylor's sake alone. She's put a lot into this and gone out of her way more than I even thought she would have to. I'm asking so much of her, I just don't want it all to be in vain. So hopefully, tomorrow will go smoothly and we'll be off to the races!  Wish me luck!

First stick

I just gave myself the first Lupron injection. 20 units. I haven't injected myself in a few months, but it's just like riding a bike...except totally unpleasant and it stings a little. Or at least it did this time. Really, though, it was very easy and went smoothly. Hopefully, that continues. Yay for getting to the next step!

Christmas gifts purchased. Meds ordered. Bank account drained.

Well, I finally finished all of my Christmas shopping today, just in time for the infertility pharmacy to call and collect the rest of our money.

My meds will be delivered on Thursday. It will be like my very own Christmas. Tearing open the box to see all the colorful pills, shiny syringes, cute little gauze pads and big, fancy sharps containers. Eeeee! I can hardly contain my excitement. Santa's little elves have nothing on Big Pharma!

Not sure T will feel the same way about her package, but hopefully it wont scare her too much.

Also talked to one of the lawyers who works for my uncle. She is getting our paperwork taken care of and we will have another family friend look over it as T's lawyer and then we'll be done with the legality of it all.

The other thing I didn't mention yesterday is that the doctor scared the heck out of me about putting back two embryos. All of these statistics that are designed to scare us out of considering having twins. I know that multiple pregnancies are more risky, but I think (or I thought) it was worth the risk. After a day and a half of research and thinking about it, I'm still leaning toward transferring two embryos. Most twins are born just fine. As you can probably tell, I'm still a little bit conflicted. I'd love to have twins. I want twins, but not at the risk of losing them. I have some time to think about it, so I'll keep going back and forth I'm sure. 

Coordinating this cycle is starting to feel like a part-time job. I'm putting so many hours into talking to pharmacists, family members, lawyers, nurses, doctors, and assistants, I'm hoping this all slows down soon. Because I have to get back to focusing on being Mommy to my little T, and being a wife to my husband, and committing to my real job, and cleaning the house, and doing the laundry, oh and also trying to fit some exercise in there somewhere.

It's going to be a hectic month, but hopefully we'll never have to do it again!

Flights are booked. No turning back now.

Today was very stressful, doing all the coordinating to make sure all the moving parts are in order, but it was totally worth it, because... 

We signed the papers. We have our calender. We're starting the cycle.

T got her first week at her new job pushed back a week so that she will be able to come home for the retrieval. She'll stay in Colorado until January 3rd, at which point she will fly home to Boston to cycle til she is ready for her retrieval. Once she's ready, we'll take her eggs out, fertilize them and transfer those babies over to me.

My brother M generously offered to use his miles to fly her home for the procedure, which means we only had to pay $33 for the round trip tickets!  I can't explain how blessed I feel to have all these amazing siblings. My mother has been a tremendous help to me. Talking me down when I'm stressed and just generally being supportive and amazing. I can't really thank any of these people properly. I just can't wait to see the joy on all of our faces when we have tangible evidence of the love in our family.

There's more good news too! I actually have some of the medication that T needs left over from my pathetic cycles earlier this year, which means I can ship those to her. We still have to buy some of the meds that I don't have, but we're lucky to be saving a few dollars here and there. It all adds up!

So far I can't tell if I've had too many side effects from the Birth Control. I do seem to be up a couple pounds, but I've been indulging in holiday treats and beverages, so that could be either. I also have noticed a few pimples popping up, but nothing too bad and thankfully I'll only have to take the pills for about 3 weeks. I start the Lupron on this Friday, the 13th! I'm actually so excited to be moving forward, I'm fine with whatever side effects these meds bring, so long as they do what they're supposed to as well!

Next week I also have to have a Hysteroscopy. That's when they take a camera and get a nice shot of my uterus, to make sure that there are no polyps, fibroids or other creatures in there that could mess with our chances of getting these babies to stick. Not something I'm really looking forward to, but you do what you gotta do.

Then in a few weeks, 12/23, I'll start the Estrace and Baby Aspirin. They will help to bring blood flow to my uterus and get it ready for implantation. I take more and more until T is ready for the retrieval. Once she's ready, I will start the Progesterone and continue the Estrace. The progesterone shots are intramuscular, which I haven't done yet. Means injecting myself in the booty. Because of the tricky position required for that shot, I may need help. I hope J is up for the task.

Then I'll be ready for transfer and I'll continue those two meds hopefully into my tenth week of pregnancy. (I refuse to explain what happens in the event that it doesn't work, because I'm not acknowledging that possibility at this time, I'm sure you can understand).

T's cycle is a little different. She will take the Birth Control pills until the 12/27, then she'll start taking Gonal F and then ganirelix. She'll go for monitoring (bloodwork &ultrasound) on day 5 of the meds. On day 8 of the meds she will fly to Boston and likely have monitoring every other day after that. Leading up to the retrieval it will eventually be daily. Then she'll be ready for her retrieval when her follicles are the correct size. The estimated date for now is around Jan 7th. Less than a month from now!  Which is so exciting!

The ultimate irony

In order to get this infertile girl pregnant, we first must take some birth control. Yup, that's right. Today, I took my first birth control pill since 1996. Man, I hope I don't get any side effects from them. I didn't love it back when I was 16, but I'm hoping it's changed a lot since then.

They let me start the pills after I had some bloodwork done. I had to redo my labs from last year. Surprisingly my numbers were actually a lot better this time around. Too bad it doesn't seem to make me any more fertile! Oh well, I don't need my crusty old eggs any more! Hopefully, I'll have brand spanking new young and fertile eggs in a month or so. Santa, all I want for Christmas are some shiny new eggs!

We're still not sure about the scheduling issues, but we will know on Monday once we see the doctor and sign the papers. She will then give us our calendar and we will see if T needs to move her work start date at her new job (or if she'll be able to) or if we'll get pushed back a month.

We know what I'm hoping for. And I'm trying to stay positive about it. The nurse said that she thinks T will have to fly home to Boston on January 4th. That just seems perfect to me. Start the new year with a new, very hopeful cycle. 

Oh and I'm very excited to report that my uncle is willing to help us, which will save us over a grand. So grateful for so many loving and generous family members!

Anyway, I'll have more updates on Monday! Have a great weekend!

Time to panic

Wow. Ok, so there's a lot going on here. I'll try to get it all down.

First of all, T came home last week for her testing and everything went great. The counselor seems to think that our situation is going to work out well for everyone. And that's even after hearing our sarcastic banter. Phew. Also, our doctor thinks she will produce lots of viable eggs which should give us an excellent chance and some leftovers to try again if it doesn't work the first time. Hooray for leftovers!

They also told us on Wednesday that we need to get a legal agreement...in the next 2 weeks!! This is another $1250 out of our pockets. With Christmas coming up, a dog who is very ill, a daughter who is growing like a weed and countless other expenditures not to mention all the infertility money, things are getting tight and it's been really stressful for J and me. So, with that in mind, I called my uncle, a lawyer, for help. He said he knows someone who went through this and will ask them and get back to me. I really wish they had told us this before. Like I said, we're on a clock, because from the time I start the birth control pills we have 2 weeks to have an agreement done. Eek. I'm still waiting to hear back from him whether he can help or whether we'll have to see someone who specializes in this ($1250). I'm really hoping he can help and hopefully at a nice family discount (read: free). I am his God daughter after all.

Ok, so then T got her cycle day 1 (cd1) on Saturday, which started the clock for her. I waited patiently for my (late) cd1 and finally it showed up this morning. I've never been so happy to see my Aunt Flow (or AF in infertility site jargon). It really is surreal when for the last five years off and on (whenever I wasn't pregnant) I was dreading that tell tale sign that another month was headed down the drain, literally. Well, not this time. I basically did a happy dance. Let's get this show on the road. So, I called the nursing team who called back and told me I will have to go in for labs on Friday (insurance requires it) and then I'll be able to start my birth control pills on Friday. Something I haven't seen since I was in high school. 

Ok, as I was typing this there have been more changes. Turns out that my sister's relocation to another state during our cycle may mean we have to wait another month. I am devastated at the idea of having to wait another month. I'm currently waiting to get the exact dates from my sister so that I can bring them to my nursing team so that we can decide whether we can make it work this month. Oh and I just got the call from my husband that my dog has to go back to the vet to see if he will be able to live a little longer or if we'll have to put him down. Damn. This really sucks. Well, I should have more news today or tomorrow. Hopefully it'll be good news. All these setbacks are just so hard. I just want so much for this all to work out. I can feel the air just being sucked out of me. I hope I'll be able to remain positive and just keep moving forward, but man, I just wish something would go right.

Getting In Sync

It's getting closer and closer to the time where this will actually start happening, which is beyond exciting. So much so that I'm pretty sure my sister, husband, and friends are sick of hearing about it from me. I can't really think about much else. In fact, last week I started to panic. I had a last minute, cold feet moment and started looking at this whole process as insane. What am I doing?  Why am I spending a huge chunk of our savings trying to grow my family when I have a perfectly wonderful little daughter in a house that fits the three of us, without great debt or money problems? What if one of us loses our job after we get pregnant?  Then we'd have two or possibly three children to feed?  Where will we put this new addition?  Our house will need upgrades, can we afford them (especially after all we've spent thus far on trying to get pregnant again)?  All of this hit me like a thunderbolt.  I took all of my fears and anxiety to J, as I always do, and he calmly reminded me that I'm crazy. I'm just looking for something to worry about, because it seems like everything is going smoothly and I'm just not used to that with infertility. I'm trying to find the bad. And I need to stop. Like now. So thankfully after some tears, a glass of wine, and a nice 8 hours of sleep, I was wondering why I had been freaking out at all the night before.

So, now I'm feeling really great. I talked to T and she and I happen to be expecting our periods within 2-3 days of each other in about a week. This is so exciting, because the whole idea of the first part of our cycle is to sync up, and it seems like nature wants to help out (for once)!  So, because I'm me and I needed to find something to worry about, I then worried that because we would be starting our periods the week before J and I go in to sign papers and make this official, we would miss that cycle and have to start up in another month. I called my lovely Donor Egg Coordinator, who must be sick of hearing from me, and she assured me that if we let the doc know when we go in for T's testing and our group counseling session on Wednesday, there's a good chance that the doc will let us sync up this cycle. She said we don't necessarily have to sign the papers before the sync up starts.  Do you know what that means?...

WE MIGHT BE STARTING NEXT WEEK! 

I'm trying (and failing, as you can see), not to get my hopes up, because a lot of things have to happen before next week in order to start (and it's a holiday weekend, gobble gobble), but I'm so hopeful that it will work.

My friend is reading The Secret and keeps telling me to just think like it will happen and the universe will provide (or something like that), so that's what I plan to do. We WILL be starting our sync up next week. AHHHHH!  Woo.

Well, I'll try to update this weekend about how our counseling and T's testing goes on Wednesday. I'm so very excited. All this is happening AND it's my favorite holiday, AND all my siblings are going to be in town this week, AND my amazing group of friends from high school is planning on a mini-reunion this weekend. I think it's very appropriate that it's Thanksgiving week, because I have SO much to be thankful for.

Counseling

Yesterday, J and I went for our counseling session. This is a counselor who is a part of our clinic's team. She specializes in infertility concerns and has met with many, many couples and individuals who have used both known and anonymous egg donors. In our case, most of the focus was on the relationship between me and my sister and my husband and my sister. How using her eggs might affect our relationship and her future relationships. We were asked about family history as well. I found many of those questions to be difficult but the most difficult were the ones pertaining to my sister's future fertility. What if she had fertility problems later in life? What if something happened in our cycle to hurt her fertility (very highly unlikely and has never happened at our clinic, ever) but what if? What if she married someone later who took issue with it?

It just underlines one of the most frustrating things about infertility in general and that is the utter lack of control we have in all of this. I want this all to go well and for my relationship with my sister and with my husband to get even stronger and for T to be able to have her own children when and with whom she wants...without any struggle. I want my future children to be close with all their aunts and uncles, especially their special aunt T.  Obviously I have no control over any of this, but those are my hopes.

So, our counselor was happy with how open we have been with our family and close friends. She says that's a great sign that we are truly ready for this and realistic about it. She said she thinks that our situation so far sounds ideal. My sister will meet with them the day before Thanksgiving and we'll see what they say about her, but so far, it's looking great.

Now if only we could speed up this process! That's the hardest part still. Everytime I see a pregnant woman or hear another pregnancy announcement it stabs at me. I just want to move on from all of this. And have one or two more healthy children to show for it. Patience has always been tough for me. But I do finally believe it will happen. So that helps a lot.

The waiting game

I haven't posted in awhile but that's just because we're in the waiting part of this process. One thing with infertility is there is a LOT of waiting. In the case of donor eggs waiting for your donor's testing, waiting for results, waiting for your counseling appointment, waiting for the doctor's approval, waiting to get your calendar for treatment, waiting for the cycle to begin, waiting for your results each day after monitoring (small torture), waiting for retrieval, waiting for updates on your embryos each day post-retrieval (medium torture), waiting for transfer, waiting the dreaded 2 week wait for the pregnancy test results (extreme torture). Then, if you're lucky, there's all the pregnancy waiting. If you aren't lucky, you get to wait for your WTF appointment and start all the other waiting all over again.

Anyway, that's what I, the most impatient woman ever, am doing now. More waiting. I was supposed to have our counseling session yesterday-the one with just J and me-but we got postponed due to the counselor having a medical emergency. I obviously understood, but I was so disappointed. I just want to start doing something proactive. It feels like all I do is wait.

So, that's what I'll be doing for another two weeks. I'll update as things happen. 

Dreams of twins

So my husband wants to try for twins. For me, it's a really exciting thought. Having boy/girl twins would be so much fun, but we'd take any combination. Our family would be thrilled with the idea too.

The only issues that come up for me are of course the health of the babies while in utero and then my own insanity once they come out! I have heard all the stories. I know that I don't know how hard it will be. I think we might be up for the challenge though. We have talked about putting an addition on our house once I'm well and truly pregnant. We could definitely use more space as our 2 bedroom home would be jammed full if we had even one more, never mind two at once!  So, that would be something we would definitely have to take into consideration as well.

We have lots of time to decide whether we'll put back one or two embryos (if we have the option), but for now, it's really fun to even know there's the possibility of adding to our family at all.

T has 2 more tests this week, including a pap smear and a full physical. I know she'll pass these with flying colors, so I'm looking forward to hearing the results. I also made the appointment for J and I to go to our counseling session later this month. I'm looking forward to it. I think it will be nice to talk about all of this and have someone who knows what this could be like for us to guide us through it all.

Second thoughts?

My sister asked me yesterday if she should put her boyfriend on the paperwork for the egg donation. It didn't even occur to me that she would want to. They've been together off and on for a couple of years, but they had a bad break up this summer and have since made their way back together. He's a very nice kid but was going through some stuff and broke it off with her. Now that they're back together he's apparently asking all kinds of questions about her donating. 

The big sister in me appreciates that he's looking out for her. She should be asking questions and be comfortable with every aspect of this. But the donee part of me is terrified that he's going to have her second guessing her decision to help. 

It was really starting to worry me, so I decided to tell her I was nervous she was second guessing herself. I told her that I would not be mad or hurt if she changed her mind and I'd still love her, but that I hoped she'd let me know where her head was at. Turns out, as suspected, I was overreacting. She and her boyfriend had just been going over some important questions, like would this cycle hurt her chances at having babies of her own in the future. I sent them some info about it and encouraged them to ask the doctor when they met with her, because I would never sacrifice her fertility for mine. No way. No how. I do NOT want her to ever have to go through infertility. It's not something I would want anyone I love to have to go through. 

She assured me that she is not changing her mind. I think we were both relieved. Sometimes it really is best to just ask the question rather than wondering how someone is feeling. I'm so glad I did. Phew. I can breathe again.

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting to hear back on the rest of the results. 

The results Part One

I got the call from my nurse yesterday to tell me that T’s follicle count was outstanding and that all of her other results were normal, which is also outstanding. I should get the rest of the results back tomorrow or Friday and they are expecting more good news. She also mentioned that if T’s AMH is very high, which they are anticipating, then Dr. D will have to be very careful not to overstimulate my apparently very fertile sister’s ovaries.

I am beside myself with joy and really hoping for more good news to come. In this game you kind of can’t really exhale until you are holding a live baby in your arms, but I am going to do my very best to enjoy all the little victories along the way. This is definitely one of them. Hooray!

The Call from T

Well, I’m finally up to date in my story, so now I’ll be talking about the very recent past and the present.

T called me this morning with the best news. On her ultrasound, it turns out that she had 32 FOLLICLES! To a woman like me, with DOR, that is insane! At my very best ultrasound I had 11 follicles total. T had 15 on one ovary and 17 on the other. Besting my total on each of her outstanding ovaries! I could not be more thrilled. I am now sitting here staring at my phone, waiting to hear some of the results that come in today. There are a couple of very important ones that should come in next week. But her Antral Follicle Count of 32 is such great news and a real step in the right direction. I am so grateful to my sister for going to get the 5-6 blood draws and transvaginal ultrasound that were required for this testing. That is not fun, and I would know. I’ve done it way too often.

As for me, I’m doing my best to get back to exercising and taking care of myself again. I sprained my ankle this summer pretty badly and took some time off, then it was IVF time and I was told not to do anything that made “my ponytail swing” so no working out. Since my Diminished Ovarian Reserve diagnosis, I have gained ten very unwelcome pounds. I am a fairly thin person to begin with, so gaining the weight isn’t putting me at an unhealthy BMI or anything. Just rendering my entire wardrobe useless. And before you shopaholics suggest it, yes, I would love to start shopping for a new wardrobe, but after the more than $20K we’ve spent this year out of pocket for Infertility Treatment I can’t really afford it!

So, a few weeks ago I started back on the Couch to Five K (C25K) workout. If you don’t have it and you want to start running, download it to your phone immediately. It is the BEST. I am currently on week 5, which in my experience is one of the toughest weeks, but I’m loving it. Talk about a stress reliever. I highly recommend exercise if you’re going through something tough. I know everyone says it, but it’s so true. It helps so much.

Alright, I’m off to pick Little T up from “school.” I’ll update as the results come in.

Testing, Testing, 1,2,3

My doctor gave us the name of a very well known Infertility Clinic in Denver, where T lives, so that she could do the preliminary testing or the “Egg Donor Baseline Testing” where she lives. This testing is crucial and will tell us if T will be a good candidate for egg donation. Because we are in Massachusetts, we need to have this done right now on day 3 of her cycle so that we can get all of her results back in time for the next step, which will be her genetic testing and counseling (and will happen in MA over Thanksgiving when she’s home for the holiday).

I called the Denver clinic on a Sunday, no answer, tried to leave a message but was not successful. Called Monday morning, was told that they would call me back. Called again 1 hour later. Now, I know this seems aggressive, but the testing NEEDED to be done on Tuesday Morning, so I needed to schedule the appointment as soon as possible. I was so stressed out I could barely get anything else done all day. I was told that I needed to speak with someone who was on the other line. Fine. An hour later she called back. It was the wrong person. She told me someone ELSE would call me back. I begged her to let me hold or help me herself as it was time sensitive. Nope.

At this point, it was already halfway through Monday and I was in a full on panic. My sister needed to tell her supervisor what time she would be out the next day, and I needed to have my nurse forward the orders from my doctor. Long, very long story short, they didn’t call me back until 4:45 to tell me that they couldn’t help me. I was fuming. And hysterically crying. Little T was giving me “smooches” to make me feel better because I was such a basketcase.

That’s when I turned to Doctor Google, who pointed me in the direction of another Denver infertility clinic called Conceptions. They were so helpful and they were kind. They were able to schedule an appointment for my sister for the next day. I was so relieved. I had another good cry.

T was finally set up for her baseline testing.

About T

My sister T is a 22 year old College graduate who lives in Denver, has a great job, a very nice boyfriend and a ton of excellent friends. She is a beautiful former college athlete. She’s in fantastic shape. She’s cooler and hipper than I have ever been, or ever will be. And she’s a ton of fun. She’s a non-smoker. She loves her family and dogs. She’s your all-American awesome girl. I may be a bit biased, but that’s T to me. She is also one of the most generous people I know. She offered me her eggs, so on that I am definitely biased. I have easily come to the conclusion that I have the best sisters on the planet. Seriously, the best two girls I know, I happen to be related to. How many people can say that?

The Beginning

My sisters had both offered their eggs, but I wasn’t sure which I should use. I wanted to choose the one who would give me the best chance so that all of us would be set up for success. This is my way. So, J and I met with Dr. D. We went through a brief history of each sister and realized pretty quickly that the best option for us would be my 22 year old sister T.

The Backstory

I started this blog not only for me, but for anyone else who is considering egg donation in the family. I will chronicle the IVF cycle I am about to start on with my youngest sister as egg donor. First, a history. I am going to really try to keep it as short as possible, but it’s been a long haul, so find someplace comfortable to sit, this could take a minute.

My husband J and I started dating in 1999. We moved in together in 2003. Got engaged in 2007 and were married in September 2008. We started trying for a baby right around the time of our wedding. It was not something we thought would happen RIGHT away, but we figured within a few months we’d be pregnant. Fast forward 2 long and sometimes really difficult years and we were considering seeing a specialist. It just seemed like it should have happened by the two year mark. In October 2010, I decided to contact my doctor and set up some testing, but wanted to get through a few weddings and events we were to attend first. Then on October 20th, after being 5-6 days late, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. We couldn’t believe it, but we were thrilled.

After a relatively easy pregnancy (my only complaint was a small amount of nausea, though I would definitely not have categorized it that way while I was experiencing it) I gave birth to our Daughter Little T in July 2011. We could NOT have been more excited to welcome her. It was the best day of our lives.

After Little T hit about 6 months old I was already thinking about and planning for our next addition to the family. We had always talked about having 3-4 kids and keeping them fairly close in age. We tried for another difficult year before deciding it was time to see a doctor.

After some testing in January of 2013, we discovered that I have High FSH, which just means that my eggs have aged well before they should have and my ovaries are trying harder to get them going. This was a devastating blow. I’ve never had major problems with my period and I’m very fit and healthy, so i really couldn’t understand why this had happened. And the worst part is that no one could tell me why it had happened either.

The doctor recommended going straight to IVF, which we agreed with, given the time factor. Insurance felt differently, however, so we did a failed IUI in February 2013. It was sad, but we were kind of expecting a negative, considering that I did not have any tubal issues or blockages that we knew of. We hated the fact that it cost us around $3000 for nothing. It was time to move on to IVF and insurance was finally on board. We did our first failed IVF in May of 2013. It was devastating, as I didn’t even make it to retrieval. I didn’t have enough eggs, so it was converted to an IUI. I was crushed. It cost us another $6,000. I am leaving out the expenses like acupuncture, vitamins, supplements, etc. that really added to the financial stress of all of this.

In August 2013, we embarked on our second IVF. This one went a lot better. I had 6 eggs at retrieval. We were so pleased. Until we got the call the next morning. Only 2 eggs had survived fertilization. But two was enough! So we went forward with the transfer on day two of only one egg, because we lost one the night before. After a very long, very hormonal, very difficult 2 week wait we got our negative beta. At this point, I had decided that we would move forward with Egg Donation. My sister, K had offered me her eggs. K is an amazing sister who is a year younger than I am at 32. She has no children and is not married. She is a lesbian who is not interested in having a bio kid. After K offered, I started setting up her testing. I was so happy and feeling so grateful. 

Then my other sister who is 11 years younger than me, T offered her eggs too. I was overcome. I set up her testing too and made an appointment with my doctor. Here is where the story starts.