A little brighter

Well, I'm starting to accept that it will only be one addition to our family, even though I keep having dreams that they are adding more to my pregnant belly. The dreams have been really wacky.

My belly is really starting to look pregnant. To me, it looks very big, especially compared to how small it was last time at this point. My guess is that my body was preparing for two and got a little ahead of itself. I'm really looking forward to seeing our baby under less scary and sad circumstances next week. We decided that this time we would go through with the prenatal testing. We skipped it with Little T, knowing that we wouldn't terminate no matter the outcome. We were trying to spare ourselves the unnecessary worry. This time, honestly, I think I just couldn't pass up the chance to see our baby again so soon. I knew waiting for the 20 week appointment would be excrutiating. I'm impatient under the best circumstances. You can imagine how I'd be waiting over 8 more weeks!

My nausea is still around, but I think it may be waning. There are moments when I can actually say I feel ok during the day, which is new! 

I'm incredibly bloated, but that comes with the territory. I'm trying to stay away from the main culprits (black beans, peppers, onions) and choose other healthy sides (green beans, salad, tomatoes, yum)

Emotionally, I'm definitely still sad, but I'm more hopeful now and I'm looking forward to being able to feel the baby. I think that will serve as a great bonding experience. Right now, I admit I feel a little detached. Certainly not the same as with Little T, but I think it's just because of what we've been through. And I just know that once I can feel him/her, I will really start to feel like this is all real. 

I'll try to be better with my updates. I just didn't really know what to say. Everyone in my life has been so great through this. I got flowers and chocolate covered strawberries from my friends and loads of texts and emails and phone calls and hugs. I feel very loved and supported and for that I'm incredibly grateful. Thanks to all of you who've been there for us. It really means more than you know.

Bittersweet

Well, I went in for my second ultrasound today to see the babies. Baby B looks great. Measuring ahead of schedule at 10 weeks and 5 days. Unfortunately, we lost Baby A back a week or two ago. 

My feelings are all over the place. I'm so sad about my lost baby, but I am trying to remember that it wouldn't have passed away if it was healthy. It just wasn't right for this world I guess. I'm struggling to re-envision what our world will look like with just one baby come this Fall.

I also am feeling incredibly grateful that we still have Baby B and that s/he looked great, wiggling and dancing away in there. I guess it is just going to take some time to get used to. I had really gotten used to the idea of twins and really had started to look forward to them sharing their lives together, and with us,  so knowing that won't happen is hard.

I'm not sure what else to say. I'm sad today.

I'm back!

Just realized how long it's been since I'd last posted. Not too much has been going on. Basically, I wake up every morning feeling sick, then I feel sick all day until I finally go to sleep feeling sick. I don't want to keep complaining on and on about it, because this is what we wanted so much and I'm so grateful that I'm still pregnant and therefore still sick. But I also do want to document it for my future self and for anyone else who is wondering how it feels being pregnant with twins (or at least how it felt for me).

That said, it has been tough. They put me on Diclegis, which is an antihistamine and B6. It takes the edge off the nausea, so that helps some., but it makes me incredibly tired, which is redundant because I'm in my first trimester so I'm already incredibly tired. I could sleep all day if given the chance!

I'm still on my PIO shots but looking forward to stopping them on Sunday. I get to stop the estrace then as well. Part of me worries about what my hormone levels will do once I'm off the extras, but the other part of me will be glad not to have to take them anymore. 

I get to see Hall and Oates on Tuesday! My first OBGYN appt. I'll have an ultrasound then meet with the doc afterward. 

I have managed to gain a couple of pounds. I'm basically back where I started the pregnancy (135). And just in the last few days, I've really noticed my stomach starting to grow. I'm sure it's not babies yet, but it could be my uterus expanding and pushing my organs up. Ew. Sounds gross!

Anyway, I'm hanging in and hoping to start feeling better sometime in the next month. 

I'll update as things develop. And with pics on Tuesday!

Ultrasound Day - Part Two

It's twins!!! We are so insanely happy and I am too sick and tired to write more, but I will, in the coming days! Thank you all so much for the (continued) prayers!! 

Ultrasound day!!! Part One

Sorry I've been MIA. I've been incredibly nauseous and exhausted every waking minute for the last two weeks or so, and I didn't want to come off as whiny. Especially after wanting so badly to get to this point. 

Well, today is the day we've been waiting for...ultrasound day! We're heading in this morning to see what exactly is going on in my uterus to make me so sick! ;) 

I am very excited and a little nervous. Part of me is hoping for twins and another part is afraid of them. I think I'll feel kind of silly if it's just one considering I've been reading books about twins for the past two weeks, but I'll get over it. Really, as cliched as it sounds, I just want to find healthy baby or babies. 

I'll check in later with the update!

5 weeks 6 days

Well, yeah, I must be pregnant, because the nausea has officially hit. It's been slowly ramping up. Today I have felt pretty awful, which feels terrific, if you know what I mean! 

I still have 9 days until my ultrasound, so any sign that everything is ok makes me very happy, even if it makes me very nauseous.

I also have a cold, so that isn't helping things, but eating small amounts of food all day is helping. I also have some lemon ginger tea and actually my favorite peppermint gum seems to help the most. I think I have about 2-3 weeks before it should peak and then hopefully start to decline. 

My last pregnancy, I felt the tiniest bit of queasiness starting exactly at 6 weeks. This time, it started a day or two before 5 weeks. Maybe this means it will end sooner?! That would be excellent. I know It peaked around 8-9 weeks and started feeling better between 12-14 weeks last time. That seems like such a long way away! 

Well, anyway, all's well for now. I haven't had any new bleeding since the scare on monday night and I'm thrilled about that. I'm just happy to be feeling pregnant.  Hopefully it stays that way!

Better news

Ok, so the bleeding seems to have stopped. It went on for maybe 2 hours last night. Not very much blood, but enough to be terrifying. Definitely not spotting. Anyway, I woke up this morning and there was nothing, thank God. 

I updated the nurse this morning and she said that was what she was expecting and she was happy to hear it. She said it may continue. No sex (as if), no exercise, no vacuuming, no lifting Little T, but otherwise, just go about my day (again, as if!)

I'm feeling better about it and really just hoping and praying for the best. I go back on Feb 10th (almost 2 weeks away) for my ultrasound. It is really going to take forever now! But I'm actually feeling positive. I woke up nauseous this morning, which I'm taking as a good sign. Most of me truly believes that everything is going to be fine.

Any prayers, good thoughts, etc. are majorly appreciated. Thanks!!