The waiting game

I haven't posted in awhile but that's just because we're in the waiting part of this process. One thing with infertility is there is a LOT of waiting. In the case of donor eggs waiting for your donor's testing, waiting for results, waiting for your counseling appointment, waiting for the doctor's approval, waiting to get your calendar for treatment, waiting for the cycle to begin, waiting for your results each day after monitoring (small torture), waiting for retrieval, waiting for updates on your embryos each day post-retrieval (medium torture), waiting for transfer, waiting the dreaded 2 week wait for the pregnancy test results (extreme torture). Then, if you're lucky, there's all the pregnancy waiting. If you aren't lucky, you get to wait for your WTF appointment and start all the other waiting all over again.

Anyway, that's what I, the most impatient woman ever, am doing now. More waiting. I was supposed to have our counseling session yesterday-the one with just J and me-but we got postponed due to the counselor having a medical emergency. I obviously understood, but I was so disappointed. I just want to start doing something proactive. It feels like all I do is wait.

So, that's what I'll be doing for another two weeks. I'll update as things happen. 

Dreams of twins

So my husband wants to try for twins. For me, it's a really exciting thought. Having boy/girl twins would be so much fun, but we'd take any combination. Our family would be thrilled with the idea too.

The only issues that come up for me are of course the health of the babies while in utero and then my own insanity once they come out! I have heard all the stories. I know that I don't know how hard it will be. I think we might be up for the challenge though. We have talked about putting an addition on our house once I'm well and truly pregnant. We could definitely use more space as our 2 bedroom home would be jammed full if we had even one more, never mind two at once!  So, that would be something we would definitely have to take into consideration as well.

We have lots of time to decide whether we'll put back one or two embryos (if we have the option), but for now, it's really fun to even know there's the possibility of adding to our family at all.

T has 2 more tests this week, including a pap smear and a full physical. I know she'll pass these with flying colors, so I'm looking forward to hearing the results. I also made the appointment for J and I to go to our counseling session later this month. I'm looking forward to it. I think it will be nice to talk about all of this and have someone who knows what this could be like for us to guide us through it all.

Second thoughts?

My sister asked me yesterday if she should put her boyfriend on the paperwork for the egg donation. It didn't even occur to me that she would want to. They've been together off and on for a couple of years, but they had a bad break up this summer and have since made their way back together. He's a very nice kid but was going through some stuff and broke it off with her. Now that they're back together he's apparently asking all kinds of questions about her donating. 

The big sister in me appreciates that he's looking out for her. She should be asking questions and be comfortable with every aspect of this. But the donee part of me is terrified that he's going to have her second guessing her decision to help. 

It was really starting to worry me, so I decided to tell her I was nervous she was second guessing herself. I told her that I would not be mad or hurt if she changed her mind and I'd still love her, but that I hoped she'd let me know where her head was at. Turns out, as suspected, I was overreacting. She and her boyfriend had just been going over some important questions, like would this cycle hurt her chances at having babies of her own in the future. I sent them some info about it and encouraged them to ask the doctor when they met with her, because I would never sacrifice her fertility for mine. No way. No how. I do NOT want her to ever have to go through infertility. It's not something I would want anyone I love to have to go through. 

She assured me that she is not changing her mind. I think we were both relieved. Sometimes it really is best to just ask the question rather than wondering how someone is feeling. I'm so glad I did. Phew. I can breathe again.

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting to hear back on the rest of the results. 

The results Part One

I got the call from my nurse yesterday to tell me that T’s follicle count was outstanding and that all of her other results were normal, which is also outstanding. I should get the rest of the results back tomorrow or Friday and they are expecting more good news. She also mentioned that if T’s AMH is very high, which they are anticipating, then Dr. D will have to be very careful not to overstimulate my apparently very fertile sister’s ovaries.

I am beside myself with joy and really hoping for more good news to come. In this game you kind of can’t really exhale until you are holding a live baby in your arms, but I am going to do my very best to enjoy all the little victories along the way. This is definitely one of them. Hooray!

The Call from T

Well, I’m finally up to date in my story, so now I’ll be talking about the very recent past and the present.

T called me this morning with the best news. On her ultrasound, it turns out that she had 32 FOLLICLES! To a woman like me, with DOR, that is insane! At my very best ultrasound I had 11 follicles total. T had 15 on one ovary and 17 on the other. Besting my total on each of her outstanding ovaries! I could not be more thrilled. I am now sitting here staring at my phone, waiting to hear some of the results that come in today. There are a couple of very important ones that should come in next week. But her Antral Follicle Count of 32 is such great news and a real step in the right direction. I am so grateful to my sister for going to get the 5-6 blood draws and transvaginal ultrasound that were required for this testing. That is not fun, and I would know. I’ve done it way too often.

As for me, I’m doing my best to get back to exercising and taking care of myself again. I sprained my ankle this summer pretty badly and took some time off, then it was IVF time and I was told not to do anything that made “my ponytail swing” so no working out. Since my Diminished Ovarian Reserve diagnosis, I have gained ten very unwelcome pounds. I am a fairly thin person to begin with, so gaining the weight isn’t putting me at an unhealthy BMI or anything. Just rendering my entire wardrobe useless. And before you shopaholics suggest it, yes, I would love to start shopping for a new wardrobe, but after the more than $20K we’ve spent this year out of pocket for Infertility Treatment I can’t really afford it!

So, a few weeks ago I started back on the Couch to Five K (C25K) workout. If you don’t have it and you want to start running, download it to your phone immediately. It is the BEST. I am currently on week 5, which in my experience is one of the toughest weeks, but I’m loving it. Talk about a stress reliever. I highly recommend exercise if you’re going through something tough. I know everyone says it, but it’s so true. It helps so much.

Alright, I’m off to pick Little T up from “school.” I’ll update as the results come in.

Testing, Testing, 1,2,3

My doctor gave us the name of a very well known Infertility Clinic in Denver, where T lives, so that she could do the preliminary testing or the “Egg Donor Baseline Testing” where she lives. This testing is crucial and will tell us if T will be a good candidate for egg donation. Because we are in Massachusetts, we need to have this done right now on day 3 of her cycle so that we can get all of her results back in time for the next step, which will be her genetic testing and counseling (and will happen in MA over Thanksgiving when she’s home for the holiday).

I called the Denver clinic on a Sunday, no answer, tried to leave a message but was not successful. Called Monday morning, was told that they would call me back. Called again 1 hour later. Now, I know this seems aggressive, but the testing NEEDED to be done on Tuesday Morning, so I needed to schedule the appointment as soon as possible. I was so stressed out I could barely get anything else done all day. I was told that I needed to speak with someone who was on the other line. Fine. An hour later she called back. It was the wrong person. She told me someone ELSE would call me back. I begged her to let me hold or help me herself as it was time sensitive. Nope.

At this point, it was already halfway through Monday and I was in a full on panic. My sister needed to tell her supervisor what time she would be out the next day, and I needed to have my nurse forward the orders from my doctor. Long, very long story short, they didn’t call me back until 4:45 to tell me that they couldn’t help me. I was fuming. And hysterically crying. Little T was giving me “smooches” to make me feel better because I was such a basketcase.

That’s when I turned to Doctor Google, who pointed me in the direction of another Denver infertility clinic called Conceptions. They were so helpful and they were kind. They were able to schedule an appointment for my sister for the next day. I was so relieved. I had another good cry.

T was finally set up for her baseline testing.

About T

My sister T is a 22 year old College graduate who lives in Denver, has a great job, a very nice boyfriend and a ton of excellent friends. She is a beautiful former college athlete. She’s in fantastic shape. She’s cooler and hipper than I have ever been, or ever will be. And she’s a ton of fun. She’s a non-smoker. She loves her family and dogs. She’s your all-American awesome girl. I may be a bit biased, but that’s T to me. She is also one of the most generous people I know. She offered me her eggs, so on that I am definitely biased. I have easily come to the conclusion that I have the best sisters on the planet. Seriously, the best two girls I know, I happen to be related to. How many people can say that?

The Beginning

My sisters had both offered their eggs, but I wasn’t sure which I should use. I wanted to choose the one who would give me the best chance so that all of us would be set up for success. This is my way. So, J and I met with Dr. D. We went through a brief history of each sister and realized pretty quickly that the best option for us would be my 22 year old sister T.

The Backstory

I started this blog not only for me, but for anyone else who is considering egg donation in the family. I will chronicle the IVF cycle I am about to start on with my youngest sister as egg donor. First, a history. I am going to really try to keep it as short as possible, but it’s been a long haul, so find someplace comfortable to sit, this could take a minute.

My husband J and I started dating in 1999. We moved in together in 2003. Got engaged in 2007 and were married in September 2008. We started trying for a baby right around the time of our wedding. It was not something we thought would happen RIGHT away, but we figured within a few months we’d be pregnant. Fast forward 2 long and sometimes really difficult years and we were considering seeing a specialist. It just seemed like it should have happened by the two year mark. In October 2010, I decided to contact my doctor and set up some testing, but wanted to get through a few weddings and events we were to attend first. Then on October 20th, after being 5-6 days late, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. We couldn’t believe it, but we were thrilled.

After a relatively easy pregnancy (my only complaint was a small amount of nausea, though I would definitely not have categorized it that way while I was experiencing it) I gave birth to our Daughter Little T in July 2011. We could NOT have been more excited to welcome her. It was the best day of our lives.

After Little T hit about 6 months old I was already thinking about and planning for our next addition to the family. We had always talked about having 3-4 kids and keeping them fairly close in age. We tried for another difficult year before deciding it was time to see a doctor.

After some testing in January of 2013, we discovered that I have High FSH, which just means that my eggs have aged well before they should have and my ovaries are trying harder to get them going. This was a devastating blow. I’ve never had major problems with my period and I’m very fit and healthy, so i really couldn’t understand why this had happened. And the worst part is that no one could tell me why it had happened either.

The doctor recommended going straight to IVF, which we agreed with, given the time factor. Insurance felt differently, however, so we did a failed IUI in February 2013. It was sad, but we were kind of expecting a negative, considering that I did not have any tubal issues or blockages that we knew of. We hated the fact that it cost us around $3000 for nothing. It was time to move on to IVF and insurance was finally on board. We did our first failed IVF in May of 2013. It was devastating, as I didn’t even make it to retrieval. I didn’t have enough eggs, so it was converted to an IUI. I was crushed. It cost us another $6,000. I am leaving out the expenses like acupuncture, vitamins, supplements, etc. that really added to the financial stress of all of this.

In August 2013, we embarked on our second IVF. This one went a lot better. I had 6 eggs at retrieval. We were so pleased. Until we got the call the next morning. Only 2 eggs had survived fertilization. But two was enough! So we went forward with the transfer on day two of only one egg, because we lost one the night before. After a very long, very hormonal, very difficult 2 week wait we got our negative beta. At this point, I had decided that we would move forward with Egg Donation. My sister, K had offered me her eggs. K is an amazing sister who is a year younger than I am at 32. She has no children and is not married. She is a lesbian who is not interested in having a bio kid. After K offered, I started setting up her testing. I was so happy and feeling so grateful. 

Then my other sister who is 11 years younger than me, T offered her eggs too. I was overcome. I set up her testing too and made an appointment with my doctor. Here is where the story starts.