Getting In Sync

It's getting closer and closer to the time where this will actually start happening, which is beyond exciting. So much so that I'm pretty sure my sister, husband, and friends are sick of hearing about it from me. I can't really think about much else. In fact, last week I started to panic. I had a last minute, cold feet moment and started looking at this whole process as insane. What am I doing?  Why am I spending a huge chunk of our savings trying to grow my family when I have a perfectly wonderful little daughter in a house that fits the three of us, without great debt or money problems? What if one of us loses our job after we get pregnant?  Then we'd have two or possibly three children to feed?  Where will we put this new addition?  Our house will need upgrades, can we afford them (especially after all we've spent thus far on trying to get pregnant again)?  All of this hit me like a thunderbolt.  I took all of my fears and anxiety to J, as I always do, and he calmly reminded me that I'm crazy. I'm just looking for something to worry about, because it seems like everything is going smoothly and I'm just not used to that with infertility. I'm trying to find the bad. And I need to stop. Like now. So thankfully after some tears, a glass of wine, and a nice 8 hours of sleep, I was wondering why I had been freaking out at all the night before.

So, now I'm feeling really great. I talked to T and she and I happen to be expecting our periods within 2-3 days of each other in about a week. This is so exciting, because the whole idea of the first part of our cycle is to sync up, and it seems like nature wants to help out (for once)!  So, because I'm me and I needed to find something to worry about, I then worried that because we would be starting our periods the week before J and I go in to sign papers and make this official, we would miss that cycle and have to start up in another month. I called my lovely Donor Egg Coordinator, who must be sick of hearing from me, and she assured me that if we let the doc know when we go in for T's testing and our group counseling session on Wednesday, there's a good chance that the doc will let us sync up this cycle. She said we don't necessarily have to sign the papers before the sync up starts.  Do you know what that means?...

WE MIGHT BE STARTING NEXT WEEK! 

I'm trying (and failing, as you can see), not to get my hopes up, because a lot of things have to happen before next week in order to start (and it's a holiday weekend, gobble gobble), but I'm so hopeful that it will work.

My friend is reading The Secret and keeps telling me to just think like it will happen and the universe will provide (or something like that), so that's what I plan to do. We WILL be starting our sync up next week. AHHHHH!  Woo.

Well, I'll try to update this weekend about how our counseling and T's testing goes on Wednesday. I'm so very excited. All this is happening AND it's my favorite holiday, AND all my siblings are going to be in town this week, AND my amazing group of friends from high school is planning on a mini-reunion this weekend. I think it's very appropriate that it's Thanksgiving week, because I have SO much to be thankful for.

Second thoughts?

My sister asked me yesterday if she should put her boyfriend on the paperwork for the egg donation. It didn't even occur to me that she would want to. They've been together off and on for a couple of years, but they had a bad break up this summer and have since made their way back together. He's a very nice kid but was going through some stuff and broke it off with her. Now that they're back together he's apparently asking all kinds of questions about her donating. 

The big sister in me appreciates that he's looking out for her. She should be asking questions and be comfortable with every aspect of this. But the donee part of me is terrified that he's going to have her second guessing her decision to help. 

It was really starting to worry me, so I decided to tell her I was nervous she was second guessing herself. I told her that I would not be mad or hurt if she changed her mind and I'd still love her, but that I hoped she'd let me know where her head was at. Turns out, as suspected, I was overreacting. She and her boyfriend had just been going over some important questions, like would this cycle hurt her chances at having babies of her own in the future. I sent them some info about it and encouraged them to ask the doctor when they met with her, because I would never sacrifice her fertility for mine. No way. No how. I do NOT want her to ever have to go through infertility. It's not something I would want anyone I love to have to go through. 

She assured me that she is not changing her mind. I think we were both relieved. Sometimes it really is best to just ask the question rather than wondering how someone is feeling. I'm so glad I did. Phew. I can breathe again.

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting to hear back on the rest of the results.