Day 2 embryo report

10 still growing strong.  They gave me an 11:30 appointment for tomorrow but when I asked she said they will almost definitely push me to Friday. I'll find out tomorrow morning. Keep praying for those embies to grow grow grow!!

First PIO shot

Ahhhhh I'm kind of freaking out. We're about to do the first Progesterone in Oil injection. This is an intramuscular injection with a huge needle that goes in your upper buttocks (which is really almost your lower back, right where your love handles are). J just sterilized me. Annnnd....

Ooh. Quick pinch and then nothing. J says he's gonna throw up. I reminded him that first he needs to massage the area and then he's free to go throw up.   Pretty sure that was much worse for him than for me. Glad it's over...only 10 or so more weeks of daily PIO shots left... if we're successful, which we plan to be. ;)

Dying to find out how many eggs we have tomorrow. It's gonna be such a long week waiting for the call everyday to hear how our little embryos are doing. I can't wait to get started. Wish us luck!

Egg Retrieval is set for Sunday!

My sister's flights keep getting delayed, but so far neither is cancelled. Good thing because nurse Ann just called to say that we're a go for retrieval on Sunday!

Which is exciting, but also means a tricky plan for T. She will have to fly from Denver to Kansas City, mix her Gonal f and Menopur in one vial, mix her HCG in another vial while on her layover. Then board her flight to Boston. 

At exactly 9:25 pm EST she will inject the menopur and Gonal f. At exactly 9:30 pm EST she will inject the HCG, in the airplane bathroom, on her way to Boston. Poor girl. 

Then my parents will pick her up at Logan Airport in Boston at midnight (as of now).

Her estradiol is up to 1956, which means about 9 eggs are mature. She has a total of 18 follicles from 12-24 mm, so more of them could mature before Sunday (hopefully several). I realize I'm getting greedy now, but I want the best chance possible!

As for me, I will take my last shot of Lupron tonight, continue with the 6 mg of Estrace daily and the baby aspirin. Then tomorrow night will be my first intramuscular injection of PIO (progesterone in Oil). Totally nervous about that, but hopefully it'll be fine.

Then on Sunday morning, our Merry trio will head to Lexington for our Egg Retrieval at 9:30 am. J will provide his sample while T is having her eggs retrieved. I can't wait!

Meantime, think mature thoughts for the rest of those follicles!

My beautiful lining

 I had my bloodwork done yesterday. It took three pokes for her to realize that I was too dehydrated for my sludgy blood to be taken (ouch, ouch, ouch). After 6 very large cups of water (and after my super fun transvaginal ultrasound) I was finally able to give them some blood. (And had they needed it, I could have given them many urine samples). My estradiol was at a 307, which they are very happy with. And I'm told my lining was "beautiful at 10.5 mm." *blush* I don't mean to brag, but yes, my nurse thinks my uterine lining is beautiful. Try not to be jealous.

As for T, her estradiol levels are rising as they should. She was at 1716 yesterday. That meant that she had to start her Ganirelix last night to be sure she wouldn't ovulate too soon. Estradiol levels are said to show 200 for each mature follicle. She had 7 follicles on her left up to 19 mm in size and 9 on her right up to 16 mm in size. 

I spoke with her this morning and she said the ultrasound tech reported 9 follicles above 16 mm today. This is so exciting. That means 9 of them are at a size where they can/will be retrieved. And since follicles can grow up to 2 mm a day, we could have several more by the time of the retrieval. We're waiting for the nurse to call and tell us what to do next, but if I had to guess, I'd say they would trigger her tonight and do the retrieval on Sunday!

IN TWO DAYS!!!

I can't believe we're finally this close. I find that I am so nervous. I'm nervous that they won't time it right and the eggs will not be mature or they'll be too mature, or that there will be lots of follicles but no eggs. Or they won't fertilize properly. I'm nervous about T's flights being delayed or cancelled due to weather. I'm nervous about her taking the trigger shot at the wrong time because of the time zones. I'm nervous about everything that could go wrong, but deep down I just have a great feeling about this...somewhere under all that anxiety is hope. Way under it.

It's going to be a long week.

Oh but in the interest of good signs. We had a snow day here. J got to go in to work a couple hours late so he made us some eggs and bacon this morning for a special treat. One of the eggs had two yolks. Twins!! We're calling it a good sign.

Happy New Year's Eve!!

It is New Year's Eve, so I've absolutely been reflecting on the last year that we've been through. It was one year ago this week that I first called to make an appointment with the RE. What a roller coaster of a year!

January - DOR diagnosis

February - IUI Fail.

April- Approved for IVF

May - IVF converted to IUI, poor response

July-Sept - IVF #2. Made it to transfer (day 2) but still FAIL.

October - chose T as our donor. got started.

December - Started DE cycle.

There have been a lot of tough moments this year for us concerning infertility, but in the rest of our lives, we have had a lot to be excited about. We've made some truly amazing friends this year. Some we could really imagine being lifelong friends with. Caring, supportive, silly and incredibly fun friends. We've seen some of our old friends blossom and find their way in what they love to do. Our extended family has enjoyed good health and in some cases some really exciting success.

And now, one full year into our RE-led journey (5 years since we first decided to start a family), we will be doing something that finally has a great chance of letting us bring home the sibling(s) we have wanted for Little T. So, yeah, it's been a tough year, maybe the toughest. But looking back I think maybe it was for a reason. We now know how lucky we are to have the family and friends who have all put so much into this for us. Wanting, wishing, hoping and outright helping us to fulfill our dream of adding to our family. It's a year that has taught me personally how blessed I am and I'm thankful for that.

Tonight is New Year's Eve and I am really looking forward to spending it celebrating with our beloved new friends, reflecting on how we made it through 2013 and focusing on all the hope we have for 2014.

Our results are reflective of that hope.

My Estradiol is up to 204, double what we needed it to be. I will continue taking 10 units of Lupron, 1 baby aspirin, and tomorrow I will up my dose to two Estrace three times a day.  I go back on Thursday morning for my bloodwork and ultrasound to check my lining.

T had an Estradiol level of 533. She currently has 10 follicles at 10 mm or greater and 8 follicles at less than 10 mm. She will also go back on Thursday morning to see what has changed. She will continue her Gonal f and Menopur at the same dose (150 and 75 respectively).

Oh and that Nor'Easter for Thursday?  Yeah, I see you. I'm ignoring you.  It's a new year. New reason to hope that nothing will get in our way.

Happy New Year, everyone!

A snowstorm?! Really?!

Argggh the waiting. Well, tomorrow we'll know how T's ovaries are reacting to the meds. With any luck it's all going smoothly.

She reports feeling very bloated, full and tired. With some stomach aches. I'm hoping this means that her follicles are growing, but I also hope they're not growing too fast!  I guess that is what we'll find out tomorrow. It makes me feel so guilty thinking of her being so uncomfortable for us. She knows it's all for a good cause, and my hope is that it will be a successful one!

T is supposed to fly home on Friday in order to be here for whenever the retrieval will be this weekend or next week. Found out today that there's a snowstorm that is supposed to arrive on Friday as well. All I can say is, Mother Nature, please be kind.

I'll follow up with our results from tomorrow's bloodwork (for both of us) and ultrasound (for T).

Until then...thinking happy egg thoughts.

More side effects

Since starting the Estrace I've had some trouble sleeping which makes me tired during the day. My mood swings have been particularly nasty as well. I find that the smallest thing can set me off. Like for example, when my aunt repeatedly invites me to play Candy Crush, causing my phone to buzz over and over, making me want to go to her house, unplug her internet and ask her never to contact me again. That kind of irritability has been a staple the last week or so, so it could be the lupron, the estrace or even the pill when I was taking it, who knows! I just wish it would stop.

And when you're dealing with a toddler who is trying to kick the pacifier habit and potty training at the same time, it's not good to be so short on patience. Hopefully, I'll be back to normal soon enough!

As for T, she has reported a headache this morning and feeling slightly as though she's hungover despite not drinking any alcohol. I told her to drink more water and let me know if it gets worse. When I was cycling I got very bad headaches and they prescribed Fioricet which helped immensely. 

Hopefully her headaches will improve and not get worse. I'll keep you posted.

T's first injection

So yesterday T and I each had appointments.

Mine was for bloodwork to check my estradiol level. They wanted it to be above 50 and mine was at 94.4 so I will stay with 10 units of lupron and double my doses of estrace as planned (2 mgs twice daily), plus continue one baby aspirin a day. I go back on Tuesday to check bloodwork again. Our nurse says we're looking for around 100 on Tuesday. Considering I'm already at 94.4 and I'm doubling my dose, I hope that will be easy!

As for T, she had her baseline bloodwork (which was all just what it should be, she's sufficiently suppressed), and her ultrasound, which showed 30 follicles!!! If this is any indication of the amount of eggs she could produce then I am beyond thrilled. The real test will be to see what her follicles look like on Tuesday, to see what her response is to the meds and adjust the dosage accordingly.

Until Tuesday, T will be mixing 150 Gonal f, with 1/2 cc of water, with 75 units of menopur so that she only has to do one injection a night. She and I walked through it together last night, with her boyfriend, S, and they did a great job. It was a big success! So tonight she'll be doing it without my guidance. This control freak is a little nervous about not being privy to the shot, but I have total confidence in T and S to get it done properly. 

Now all I have to do is wait until Tuesday, New Year's Eve. Ugh. 3 more days! 

Today is Cycle Day 1

I went in for bloodwork this morning and I'm told they were hoping for an estradiol level of under 50. I crushed it. Coming in at a terrific 27.9. This means that I'm sufficiently suppressed and ready to start my Estrace (1mg twice daily), dial down my Lupron to 10 units, and start taking the baby aspirin J bought for me. They consider this to be my CD1.

Next step will be when T and I each go in on Friday. Her for bloodwork and ultrasound to check her levels and her follicles (I'm hoping for lots!). I just go for bloodwork to check my estradiol again. 

My last birth control pill was on Thursday. Within 2 days my weight had gone back down, the bloating was gone and my breasts felt like mine again. Hooray! On the bummer side, I've had bad low back pain since, just like I get when I'm PMSing and I spotted for a couple days before a full flow started on Sunday. I'm told this is very normal.

I can't say I'm looking forward to the side effects from the Estrace, but hopefully it won't be too bad. I'll make sure to update about that.  

Meantime, have a wonderful and Merry Christmas! I know I will! We have a lot to be happy about! 

Uterus gets the green light!

I'm very happy to report that the hysteroscopy was a huge success. For those wondering. My doctor used a speculum, then fed a camera through my cervix into my uterus to see if there was anything that would prevent the embryos from attaching. I felt a little bit of pressure and the whole uncomfortable procedure was over in less then 3 mins. I couldn't believe how quick it was. Thankfully and the doctor found that everything looked great! So, we've made it past another hurdle. I'll continue with my lupron and birth control until my blood test on Monday!

Oh also, T got her box of meds today. She was amazed at the amount of needles, syringes, etc. I remember feeling the same way during my first cycle. But it really gets easier each day. I'll make sure to walk her through each of her meds her first time, so she feels comfortable doing it herself. Thank God for Skype and FaceTime!

Side Effects and the next step.

I wanted to make sure that I documented some of the side effects. A lot of this may be TMI, but I want people who find this blog while searching for information about this process to know what they're in for, so here goes.

I've been on the birth control for over a week now (today is day 11), and the side effects that I can attribute to those pills are very, very sore breasts. They've grown some too. Same cup size but I definitely runneth over, which, anyone who knows me can attest, is not the norm. I am normally a smallish B, now I would say I'm a B+ haha, but with lots of nipple sensitivity and breast soreness.  Not such a bad side effect, especially for my sweaters!

The next would be a quick temper/moodiness. I get very over-stimulated fast if there are a lot of loud noises (TV is on, toddler is screaming, husband is talking, dogs are barking/whining). If that happens I get so tense I have to leave the room to chill out. Normally, I don't love all the chaos at once, but I can totally calm myself down. On these meds, I feel like I have way less control over my emotions.

Stomach issues. This one downright stinks. When I eat, let's just say it's generally followed shortly after by an unpleasant trip to the bathroom. I don't think I need to elaborate on this. :)

I started the Lupron on Friday, and thankfully, I have not noticed any new symptoms that I can attribute to this drug. Although, I did have one hot flash, and I know that's a known symptom of the Lupron, but otherwise, it's been easy peasy.

Tomorrow I have my hysteroscopy. I am very nervous about it. It's pretty much make or break for us. If everything looks good, then we move on. If not, we will have to take action (to remove any deal-breakers in there). If that's the case, it may push us back a month and there's no way I want to start all this over again. For Taylor's sake alone. She's put a lot into this and gone out of her way more than I even thought she would have to. I'm asking so much of her, I just don't want it all to be in vain. So hopefully, tomorrow will go smoothly and we'll be off to the races!  Wish me luck!

First stick

I just gave myself the first Lupron injection. 20 units. I haven't injected myself in a few months, but it's just like riding a bike...except totally unpleasant and it stings a little. Or at least it did this time. Really, though, it was very easy and went smoothly. Hopefully, that continues. Yay for getting to the next step!

Flights are booked. No turning back now.

Today was very stressful, doing all the coordinating to make sure all the moving parts are in order, but it was totally worth it, because... 

We signed the papers. We have our calender. We're starting the cycle.

T got her first week at her new job pushed back a week so that she will be able to come home for the retrieval. She'll stay in Colorado until January 3rd, at which point she will fly home to Boston to cycle til she is ready for her retrieval. Once she's ready, we'll take her eggs out, fertilize them and transfer those babies over to me.

My brother M generously offered to use his miles to fly her home for the procedure, which means we only had to pay $33 for the round trip tickets!  I can't explain how blessed I feel to have all these amazing siblings. My mother has been a tremendous help to me. Talking me down when I'm stressed and just generally being supportive and amazing. I can't really thank any of these people properly. I just can't wait to see the joy on all of our faces when we have tangible evidence of the love in our family.

There's more good news too! I actually have some of the medication that T needs left over from my pathetic cycles earlier this year, which means I can ship those to her. We still have to buy some of the meds that I don't have, but we're lucky to be saving a few dollars here and there. It all adds up!

So far I can't tell if I've had too many side effects from the Birth Control. I do seem to be up a couple pounds, but I've been indulging in holiday treats and beverages, so that could be either. I also have noticed a few pimples popping up, but nothing too bad and thankfully I'll only have to take the pills for about 3 weeks. I start the Lupron on this Friday, the 13th! I'm actually so excited to be moving forward, I'm fine with whatever side effects these meds bring, so long as they do what they're supposed to as well!

Next week I also have to have a Hysteroscopy. That's when they take a camera and get a nice shot of my uterus, to make sure that there are no polyps, fibroids or other creatures in there that could mess with our chances of getting these babies to stick. Not something I'm really looking forward to, but you do what you gotta do.

Then in a few weeks, 12/23, I'll start the Estrace and Baby Aspirin. They will help to bring blood flow to my uterus and get it ready for implantation. I take more and more until T is ready for the retrieval. Once she's ready, I will start the Progesterone and continue the Estrace. The progesterone shots are intramuscular, which I haven't done yet. Means injecting myself in the booty. Because of the tricky position required for that shot, I may need help. I hope J is up for the task.

Then I'll be ready for transfer and I'll continue those two meds hopefully into my tenth week of pregnancy. (I refuse to explain what happens in the event that it doesn't work, because I'm not acknowledging that possibility at this time, I'm sure you can understand).

T's cycle is a little different. She will take the Birth Control pills until the 12/27, then she'll start taking Gonal F and then ganirelix. She'll go for monitoring (bloodwork &ultrasound) on day 5 of the meds. On day 8 of the meds she will fly to Boston and likely have monitoring every other day after that. Leading up to the retrieval it will eventually be daily. Then she'll be ready for her retrieval when her follicles are the correct size. The estimated date for now is around Jan 7th. Less than a month from now!  Which is so exciting!

The ultimate irony

In order to get this infertile girl pregnant, we first must take some birth control. Yup, that's right. Today, I took my first birth control pill since 1996. Man, I hope I don't get any side effects from them. I didn't love it back when I was 16, but I'm hoping it's changed a lot since then.

They let me start the pills after I had some bloodwork done. I had to redo my labs from last year. Surprisingly my numbers were actually a lot better this time around. Too bad it doesn't seem to make me any more fertile! Oh well, I don't need my crusty old eggs any more! Hopefully, I'll have brand spanking new young and fertile eggs in a month or so. Santa, all I want for Christmas are some shiny new eggs!

We're still not sure about the scheduling issues, but we will know on Monday once we see the doctor and sign the papers. She will then give us our calendar and we will see if T needs to move her work start date at her new job (or if she'll be able to) or if we'll get pushed back a month.

We know what I'm hoping for. And I'm trying to stay positive about it. The nurse said that she thinks T will have to fly home to Boston on January 4th. That just seems perfect to me. Start the new year with a new, very hopeful cycle. 

Oh and I'm very excited to report that my uncle is willing to help us, which will save us over a grand. So grateful for so many loving and generous family members!

Anyway, I'll have more updates on Monday! Have a great weekend!

Time to panic

Wow. Ok, so there's a lot going on here. I'll try to get it all down.

First of all, T came home last week for her testing and everything went great. The counselor seems to think that our situation is going to work out well for everyone. And that's even after hearing our sarcastic banter. Phew. Also, our doctor thinks she will produce lots of viable eggs which should give us an excellent chance and some leftovers to try again if it doesn't work the first time. Hooray for leftovers!

They also told us on Wednesday that we need to get a legal agreement...in the next 2 weeks!! This is another $1250 out of our pockets. With Christmas coming up, a dog who is very ill, a daughter who is growing like a weed and countless other expenditures not to mention all the infertility money, things are getting tight and it's been really stressful for J and me. So, with that in mind, I called my uncle, a lawyer, for help. He said he knows someone who went through this and will ask them and get back to me. I really wish they had told us this before. Like I said, we're on a clock, because from the time I start the birth control pills we have 2 weeks to have an agreement done. Eek. I'm still waiting to hear back from him whether he can help or whether we'll have to see someone who specializes in this ($1250). I'm really hoping he can help and hopefully at a nice family discount (read: free). I am his God daughter after all.

Ok, so then T got her cycle day 1 (cd1) on Saturday, which started the clock for her. I waited patiently for my (late) cd1 and finally it showed up this morning. I've never been so happy to see my Aunt Flow (or AF in infertility site jargon). It really is surreal when for the last five years off and on (whenever I wasn't pregnant) I was dreading that tell tale sign that another month was headed down the drain, literally. Well, not this time. I basically did a happy dance. Let's get this show on the road. So, I called the nursing team who called back and told me I will have to go in for labs on Friday (insurance requires it) and then I'll be able to start my birth control pills on Friday. Something I haven't seen since I was in high school. 

Ok, as I was typing this there have been more changes. Turns out that my sister's relocation to another state during our cycle may mean we have to wait another month. I am devastated at the idea of having to wait another month. I'm currently waiting to get the exact dates from my sister so that I can bring them to my nursing team so that we can decide whether we can make it work this month. Oh and I just got the call from my husband that my dog has to go back to the vet to see if he will be able to live a little longer or if we'll have to put him down. Damn. This really sucks. Well, I should have more news today or tomorrow. Hopefully it'll be good news. All these setbacks are just so hard. I just want so much for this all to work out. I can feel the air just being sucked out of me. I hope I'll be able to remain positive and just keep moving forward, but man, I just wish something would go right.

Getting In Sync

It's getting closer and closer to the time where this will actually start happening, which is beyond exciting. So much so that I'm pretty sure my sister, husband, and friends are sick of hearing about it from me. I can't really think about much else. In fact, last week I started to panic. I had a last minute, cold feet moment and started looking at this whole process as insane. What am I doing?  Why am I spending a huge chunk of our savings trying to grow my family when I have a perfectly wonderful little daughter in a house that fits the three of us, without great debt or money problems? What if one of us loses our job after we get pregnant?  Then we'd have two or possibly three children to feed?  Where will we put this new addition?  Our house will need upgrades, can we afford them (especially after all we've spent thus far on trying to get pregnant again)?  All of this hit me like a thunderbolt.  I took all of my fears and anxiety to J, as I always do, and he calmly reminded me that I'm crazy. I'm just looking for something to worry about, because it seems like everything is going smoothly and I'm just not used to that with infertility. I'm trying to find the bad. And I need to stop. Like now. So thankfully after some tears, a glass of wine, and a nice 8 hours of sleep, I was wondering why I had been freaking out at all the night before.

So, now I'm feeling really great. I talked to T and she and I happen to be expecting our periods within 2-3 days of each other in about a week. This is so exciting, because the whole idea of the first part of our cycle is to sync up, and it seems like nature wants to help out (for once)!  So, because I'm me and I needed to find something to worry about, I then worried that because we would be starting our periods the week before J and I go in to sign papers and make this official, we would miss that cycle and have to start up in another month. I called my lovely Donor Egg Coordinator, who must be sick of hearing from me, and she assured me that if we let the doc know when we go in for T's testing and our group counseling session on Wednesday, there's a good chance that the doc will let us sync up this cycle. She said we don't necessarily have to sign the papers before the sync up starts.  Do you know what that means?...

WE MIGHT BE STARTING NEXT WEEK! 

I'm trying (and failing, as you can see), not to get my hopes up, because a lot of things have to happen before next week in order to start (and it's a holiday weekend, gobble gobble), but I'm so hopeful that it will work.

My friend is reading The Secret and keeps telling me to just think like it will happen and the universe will provide (or something like that), so that's what I plan to do. We WILL be starting our sync up next week. AHHHHH!  Woo.

Well, I'll try to update this weekend about how our counseling and T's testing goes on Wednesday. I'm so very excited. All this is happening AND it's my favorite holiday, AND all my siblings are going to be in town this week, AND my amazing group of friends from high school is planning on a mini-reunion this weekend. I think it's very appropriate that it's Thanksgiving week, because I have SO much to be thankful for.

Counseling

Yesterday, J and I went for our counseling session. This is a counselor who is a part of our clinic's team. She specializes in infertility concerns and has met with many, many couples and individuals who have used both known and anonymous egg donors. In our case, most of the focus was on the relationship between me and my sister and my husband and my sister. How using her eggs might affect our relationship and her future relationships. We were asked about family history as well. I found many of those questions to be difficult but the most difficult were the ones pertaining to my sister's future fertility. What if she had fertility problems later in life? What if something happened in our cycle to hurt her fertility (very highly unlikely and has never happened at our clinic, ever) but what if? What if she married someone later who took issue with it?

It just underlines one of the most frustrating things about infertility in general and that is the utter lack of control we have in all of this. I want this all to go well and for my relationship with my sister and with my husband to get even stronger and for T to be able to have her own children when and with whom she wants...without any struggle. I want my future children to be close with all their aunts and uncles, especially their special aunt T.  Obviously I have no control over any of this, but those are my hopes.

So, our counselor was happy with how open we have been with our family and close friends. She says that's a great sign that we are truly ready for this and realistic about it. She said she thinks that our situation so far sounds ideal. My sister will meet with them the day before Thanksgiving and we'll see what they say about her, but so far, it's looking great.

Now if only we could speed up this process! That's the hardest part still. Everytime I see a pregnant woman or hear another pregnancy announcement it stabs at me. I just want to move on from all of this. And have one or two more healthy children to show for it. Patience has always been tough for me. But I do finally believe it will happen. So that helps a lot.

The waiting game

I haven't posted in awhile but that's just because we're in the waiting part of this process. One thing with infertility is there is a LOT of waiting. In the case of donor eggs waiting for your donor's testing, waiting for results, waiting for your counseling appointment, waiting for the doctor's approval, waiting to get your calendar for treatment, waiting for the cycle to begin, waiting for your results each day after monitoring (small torture), waiting for retrieval, waiting for updates on your embryos each day post-retrieval (medium torture), waiting for transfer, waiting the dreaded 2 week wait for the pregnancy test results (extreme torture). Then, if you're lucky, there's all the pregnancy waiting. If you aren't lucky, you get to wait for your WTF appointment and start all the other waiting all over again.

Anyway, that's what I, the most impatient woman ever, am doing now. More waiting. I was supposed to have our counseling session yesterday-the one with just J and me-but we got postponed due to the counselor having a medical emergency. I obviously understood, but I was so disappointed. I just want to start doing something proactive. It feels like all I do is wait.

So, that's what I'll be doing for another two weeks. I'll update as things happen. 

Dreams of twins

So my husband wants to try for twins. For me, it's a really exciting thought. Having boy/girl twins would be so much fun, but we'd take any combination. Our family would be thrilled with the idea too.

The only issues that come up for me are of course the health of the babies while in utero and then my own insanity once they come out! I have heard all the stories. I know that I don't know how hard it will be. I think we might be up for the challenge though. We have talked about putting an addition on our house once I'm well and truly pregnant. We could definitely use more space as our 2 bedroom home would be jammed full if we had even one more, never mind two at once!  So, that would be something we would definitely have to take into consideration as well.

We have lots of time to decide whether we'll put back one or two embryos (if we have the option), but for now, it's really fun to even know there's the possibility of adding to our family at all.

T has 2 more tests this week, including a pap smear and a full physical. I know she'll pass these with flying colors, so I'm looking forward to hearing the results. I also made the appointment for J and I to go to our counseling session later this month. I'm looking forward to it. I think it will be nice to talk about all of this and have someone who knows what this could be like for us to guide us through it all.

Second thoughts?

My sister asked me yesterday if she should put her boyfriend on the paperwork for the egg donation. It didn't even occur to me that she would want to. They've been together off and on for a couple of years, but they had a bad break up this summer and have since made their way back together. He's a very nice kid but was going through some stuff and broke it off with her. Now that they're back together he's apparently asking all kinds of questions about her donating. 

The big sister in me appreciates that he's looking out for her. She should be asking questions and be comfortable with every aspect of this. But the donee part of me is terrified that he's going to have her second guessing her decision to help. 

It was really starting to worry me, so I decided to tell her I was nervous she was second guessing herself. I told her that I would not be mad or hurt if she changed her mind and I'd still love her, but that I hoped she'd let me know where her head was at. Turns out, as suspected, I was overreacting. She and her boyfriend had just been going over some important questions, like would this cycle hurt her chances at having babies of her own in the future. I sent them some info about it and encouraged them to ask the doctor when they met with her, because I would never sacrifice her fertility for mine. No way. No how. I do NOT want her to ever have to go through infertility. It's not something I would want anyone I love to have to go through. 

She assured me that she is not changing her mind. I think we were both relieved. Sometimes it really is best to just ask the question rather than wondering how someone is feeling. I'm so glad I did. Phew. I can breathe again.

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting to hear back on the rest of the results.