Egg Retrieval is set for Sunday!

My sister's flights keep getting delayed, but so far neither is cancelled. Good thing because nurse Ann just called to say that we're a go for retrieval on Sunday!

Which is exciting, but also means a tricky plan for T. She will have to fly from Denver to Kansas City, mix her Gonal f and Menopur in one vial, mix her HCG in another vial while on her layover. Then board her flight to Boston. 

At exactly 9:25 pm EST she will inject the menopur and Gonal f. At exactly 9:30 pm EST she will inject the HCG, in the airplane bathroom, on her way to Boston. Poor girl. 

Then my parents will pick her up at Logan Airport in Boston at midnight (as of now).

Her estradiol is up to 1956, which means about 9 eggs are mature. She has a total of 18 follicles from 12-24 mm, so more of them could mature before Sunday (hopefully several). I realize I'm getting greedy now, but I want the best chance possible!

As for me, I will take my last shot of Lupron tonight, continue with the 6 mg of Estrace daily and the baby aspirin. Then tomorrow night will be my first intramuscular injection of PIO (progesterone in Oil). Totally nervous about that, but hopefully it'll be fine.

Then on Sunday morning, our Merry trio will head to Lexington for our Egg Retrieval at 9:30 am. J will provide his sample while T is having her eggs retrieved. I can't wait!

Meantime, think mature thoughts for the rest of those follicles!

My beautiful lining

 I had my bloodwork done yesterday. It took three pokes for her to realize that I was too dehydrated for my sludgy blood to be taken (ouch, ouch, ouch). After 6 very large cups of water (and after my super fun transvaginal ultrasound) I was finally able to give them some blood. (And had they needed it, I could have given them many urine samples). My estradiol was at a 307, which they are very happy with. And I'm told my lining was "beautiful at 10.5 mm." *blush* I don't mean to brag, but yes, my nurse thinks my uterine lining is beautiful. Try not to be jealous.

As for T, her estradiol levels are rising as they should. She was at 1716 yesterday. That meant that she had to start her Ganirelix last night to be sure she wouldn't ovulate too soon. Estradiol levels are said to show 200 for each mature follicle. She had 7 follicles on her left up to 19 mm in size and 9 on her right up to 16 mm in size. 

I spoke with her this morning and she said the ultrasound tech reported 9 follicles above 16 mm today. This is so exciting. That means 9 of them are at a size where they can/will be retrieved. And since follicles can grow up to 2 mm a day, we could have several more by the time of the retrieval. We're waiting for the nurse to call and tell us what to do next, but if I had to guess, I'd say they would trigger her tonight and do the retrieval on Sunday!

IN TWO DAYS!!!

I can't believe we're finally this close. I find that I am so nervous. I'm nervous that they won't time it right and the eggs will not be mature or they'll be too mature, or that there will be lots of follicles but no eggs. Or they won't fertilize properly. I'm nervous about T's flights being delayed or cancelled due to weather. I'm nervous about her taking the trigger shot at the wrong time because of the time zones. I'm nervous about everything that could go wrong, but deep down I just have a great feeling about this...somewhere under all that anxiety is hope. Way under it.

It's going to be a long week.

Oh but in the interest of good signs. We had a snow day here. J got to go in to work a couple hours late so he made us some eggs and bacon this morning for a special treat. One of the eggs had two yolks. Twins!! We're calling it a good sign.

Today is Cycle Day 1

I went in for bloodwork this morning and I'm told they were hoping for an estradiol level of under 50. I crushed it. Coming in at a terrific 27.9. This means that I'm sufficiently suppressed and ready to start my Estrace (1mg twice daily), dial down my Lupron to 10 units, and start taking the baby aspirin J bought for me. They consider this to be my CD1.

Next step will be when T and I each go in on Friday. Her for bloodwork and ultrasound to check her levels and her follicles (I'm hoping for lots!). I just go for bloodwork to check my estradiol again. 

My last birth control pill was on Thursday. Within 2 days my weight had gone back down, the bloating was gone and my breasts felt like mine again. Hooray! On the bummer side, I've had bad low back pain since, just like I get when I'm PMSing and I spotted for a couple days before a full flow started on Sunday. I'm told this is very normal.

I can't say I'm looking forward to the side effects from the Estrace, but hopefully it won't be too bad. I'll make sure to update about that.  

Meantime, have a wonderful and Merry Christmas! I know I will! We have a lot to be happy about! 

Uterus gets the green light!

I'm very happy to report that the hysteroscopy was a huge success. For those wondering. My doctor used a speculum, then fed a camera through my cervix into my uterus to see if there was anything that would prevent the embryos from attaching. I felt a little bit of pressure and the whole uncomfortable procedure was over in less then 3 mins. I couldn't believe how quick it was. Thankfully and the doctor found that everything looked great! So, we've made it past another hurdle. I'll continue with my lupron and birth control until my blood test on Monday!

Oh also, T got her box of meds today. She was amazed at the amount of needles, syringes, etc. I remember feeling the same way during my first cycle. But it really gets easier each day. I'll make sure to walk her through each of her meds her first time, so she feels comfortable doing it herself. Thank God for Skype and FaceTime!

2 more side effects

I forgot to mention that I have definitely noticed way more zits than I usually have especially at this time in my cycle, so that is from the Birth Control.

The other side effect I discovered when I stepped on the scale. I am absolutely gaining weight. I haven't been this high since I was post-partum. I still think I look ok, but it is really difficult to see that I'm up 12 lbs since last year at this time. Now, luckily, it's more of an aesthetic than a health issue, because I'm not technically overweight. It's just a bummer. But I just keeping reminding myself that this will all be worth it in the end!

Side Effects and the next step.

I wanted to make sure that I documented some of the side effects. A lot of this may be TMI, but I want people who find this blog while searching for information about this process to know what they're in for, so here goes.

I've been on the birth control for over a week now (today is day 11), and the side effects that I can attribute to those pills are very, very sore breasts. They've grown some too. Same cup size but I definitely runneth over, which, anyone who knows me can attest, is not the norm. I am normally a smallish B, now I would say I'm a B+ haha, but with lots of nipple sensitivity and breast soreness.  Not such a bad side effect, especially for my sweaters!

The next would be a quick temper/moodiness. I get very over-stimulated fast if there are a lot of loud noises (TV is on, toddler is screaming, husband is talking, dogs are barking/whining). If that happens I get so tense I have to leave the room to chill out. Normally, I don't love all the chaos at once, but I can totally calm myself down. On these meds, I feel like I have way less control over my emotions.

Stomach issues. This one downright stinks. When I eat, let's just say it's generally followed shortly after by an unpleasant trip to the bathroom. I don't think I need to elaborate on this. :)

I started the Lupron on Friday, and thankfully, I have not noticed any new symptoms that I can attribute to this drug. Although, I did have one hot flash, and I know that's a known symptom of the Lupron, but otherwise, it's been easy peasy.

Tomorrow I have my hysteroscopy. I am very nervous about it. It's pretty much make or break for us. If everything looks good, then we move on. If not, we will have to take action (to remove any deal-breakers in there). If that's the case, it may push us back a month and there's no way I want to start all this over again. For Taylor's sake alone. She's put a lot into this and gone out of her way more than I even thought she would have to. I'm asking so much of her, I just don't want it all to be in vain. So hopefully, tomorrow will go smoothly and we'll be off to the races!  Wish me luck!

First stick

I just gave myself the first Lupron injection. 20 units. I haven't injected myself in a few months, but it's just like riding a bike...except totally unpleasant and it stings a little. Or at least it did this time. Really, though, it was very easy and went smoothly. Hopefully, that continues. Yay for getting to the next step!

Flights are booked. No turning back now.

Today was very stressful, doing all the coordinating to make sure all the moving parts are in order, but it was totally worth it, because... 

We signed the papers. We have our calender. We're starting the cycle.

T got her first week at her new job pushed back a week so that she will be able to come home for the retrieval. She'll stay in Colorado until January 3rd, at which point she will fly home to Boston to cycle til she is ready for her retrieval. Once she's ready, we'll take her eggs out, fertilize them and transfer those babies over to me.

My brother M generously offered to use his miles to fly her home for the procedure, which means we only had to pay $33 for the round trip tickets!  I can't explain how blessed I feel to have all these amazing siblings. My mother has been a tremendous help to me. Talking me down when I'm stressed and just generally being supportive and amazing. I can't really thank any of these people properly. I just can't wait to see the joy on all of our faces when we have tangible evidence of the love in our family.

There's more good news too! I actually have some of the medication that T needs left over from my pathetic cycles earlier this year, which means I can ship those to her. We still have to buy some of the meds that I don't have, but we're lucky to be saving a few dollars here and there. It all adds up!

So far I can't tell if I've had too many side effects from the Birth Control. I do seem to be up a couple pounds, but I've been indulging in holiday treats and beverages, so that could be either. I also have noticed a few pimples popping up, but nothing too bad and thankfully I'll only have to take the pills for about 3 weeks. I start the Lupron on this Friday, the 13th! I'm actually so excited to be moving forward, I'm fine with whatever side effects these meds bring, so long as they do what they're supposed to as well!

Next week I also have to have a Hysteroscopy. That's when they take a camera and get a nice shot of my uterus, to make sure that there are no polyps, fibroids or other creatures in there that could mess with our chances of getting these babies to stick. Not something I'm really looking forward to, but you do what you gotta do.

Then in a few weeks, 12/23, I'll start the Estrace and Baby Aspirin. They will help to bring blood flow to my uterus and get it ready for implantation. I take more and more until T is ready for the retrieval. Once she's ready, I will start the Progesterone and continue the Estrace. The progesterone shots are intramuscular, which I haven't done yet. Means injecting myself in the booty. Because of the tricky position required for that shot, I may need help. I hope J is up for the task.

Then I'll be ready for transfer and I'll continue those two meds hopefully into my tenth week of pregnancy. (I refuse to explain what happens in the event that it doesn't work, because I'm not acknowledging that possibility at this time, I'm sure you can understand).

T's cycle is a little different. She will take the Birth Control pills until the 12/27, then she'll start taking Gonal F and then ganirelix. She'll go for monitoring (bloodwork &ultrasound) on day 5 of the meds. On day 8 of the meds she will fly to Boston and likely have monitoring every other day after that. Leading up to the retrieval it will eventually be daily. Then she'll be ready for her retrieval when her follicles are the correct size. The estimated date for now is around Jan 7th. Less than a month from now!  Which is so exciting!

The ultimate irony

In order to get this infertile girl pregnant, we first must take some birth control. Yup, that's right. Today, I took my first birth control pill since 1996. Man, I hope I don't get any side effects from them. I didn't love it back when I was 16, but I'm hoping it's changed a lot since then.

They let me start the pills after I had some bloodwork done. I had to redo my labs from last year. Surprisingly my numbers were actually a lot better this time around. Too bad it doesn't seem to make me any more fertile! Oh well, I don't need my crusty old eggs any more! Hopefully, I'll have brand spanking new young and fertile eggs in a month or so. Santa, all I want for Christmas are some shiny new eggs!

We're still not sure about the scheduling issues, but we will know on Monday once we see the doctor and sign the papers. She will then give us our calendar and we will see if T needs to move her work start date at her new job (or if she'll be able to) or if we'll get pushed back a month.

We know what I'm hoping for. And I'm trying to stay positive about it. The nurse said that she thinks T will have to fly home to Boston on January 4th. That just seems perfect to me. Start the new year with a new, very hopeful cycle. 

Oh and I'm very excited to report that my uncle is willing to help us, which will save us over a grand. So grateful for so many loving and generous family members!

Anyway, I'll have more updates on Monday! Have a great weekend!

Getting In Sync

It's getting closer and closer to the time where this will actually start happening, which is beyond exciting. So much so that I'm pretty sure my sister, husband, and friends are sick of hearing about it from me. I can't really think about much else. In fact, last week I started to panic. I had a last minute, cold feet moment and started looking at this whole process as insane. What am I doing?  Why am I spending a huge chunk of our savings trying to grow my family when I have a perfectly wonderful little daughter in a house that fits the three of us, without great debt or money problems? What if one of us loses our job after we get pregnant?  Then we'd have two or possibly three children to feed?  Where will we put this new addition?  Our house will need upgrades, can we afford them (especially after all we've spent thus far on trying to get pregnant again)?  All of this hit me like a thunderbolt.  I took all of my fears and anxiety to J, as I always do, and he calmly reminded me that I'm crazy. I'm just looking for something to worry about, because it seems like everything is going smoothly and I'm just not used to that with infertility. I'm trying to find the bad. And I need to stop. Like now. So thankfully after some tears, a glass of wine, and a nice 8 hours of sleep, I was wondering why I had been freaking out at all the night before.

So, now I'm feeling really great. I talked to T and she and I happen to be expecting our periods within 2-3 days of each other in about a week. This is so exciting, because the whole idea of the first part of our cycle is to sync up, and it seems like nature wants to help out (for once)!  So, because I'm me and I needed to find something to worry about, I then worried that because we would be starting our periods the week before J and I go in to sign papers and make this official, we would miss that cycle and have to start up in another month. I called my lovely Donor Egg Coordinator, who must be sick of hearing from me, and she assured me that if we let the doc know when we go in for T's testing and our group counseling session on Wednesday, there's a good chance that the doc will let us sync up this cycle. She said we don't necessarily have to sign the papers before the sync up starts.  Do you know what that means?...

WE MIGHT BE STARTING NEXT WEEK! 

I'm trying (and failing, as you can see), not to get my hopes up, because a lot of things have to happen before next week in order to start (and it's a holiday weekend, gobble gobble), but I'm so hopeful that it will work.

My friend is reading The Secret and keeps telling me to just think like it will happen and the universe will provide (or something like that), so that's what I plan to do. We WILL be starting our sync up next week. AHHHHH!  Woo.

Well, I'll try to update this weekend about how our counseling and T's testing goes on Wednesday. I'm so very excited. All this is happening AND it's my favorite holiday, AND all my siblings are going to be in town this week, AND my amazing group of friends from high school is planning on a mini-reunion this weekend. I think it's very appropriate that it's Thanksgiving week, because I have SO much to be thankful for.

Counseling

Yesterday, J and I went for our counseling session. This is a counselor who is a part of our clinic's team. She specializes in infertility concerns and has met with many, many couples and individuals who have used both known and anonymous egg donors. In our case, most of the focus was on the relationship between me and my sister and my husband and my sister. How using her eggs might affect our relationship and her future relationships. We were asked about family history as well. I found many of those questions to be difficult but the most difficult were the ones pertaining to my sister's future fertility. What if she had fertility problems later in life? What if something happened in our cycle to hurt her fertility (very highly unlikely and has never happened at our clinic, ever) but what if? What if she married someone later who took issue with it?

It just underlines one of the most frustrating things about infertility in general and that is the utter lack of control we have in all of this. I want this all to go well and for my relationship with my sister and with my husband to get even stronger and for T to be able to have her own children when and with whom she wants...without any struggle. I want my future children to be close with all their aunts and uncles, especially their special aunt T.  Obviously I have no control over any of this, but those are my hopes.

So, our counselor was happy with how open we have been with our family and close friends. She says that's a great sign that we are truly ready for this and realistic about it. She said she thinks that our situation so far sounds ideal. My sister will meet with them the day before Thanksgiving and we'll see what they say about her, but so far, it's looking great.

Now if only we could speed up this process! That's the hardest part still. Everytime I see a pregnant woman or hear another pregnancy announcement it stabs at me. I just want to move on from all of this. And have one or two more healthy children to show for it. Patience has always been tough for me. But I do finally believe it will happen. So that helps a lot.

Dreams of twins

So my husband wants to try for twins. For me, it's a really exciting thought. Having boy/girl twins would be so much fun, but we'd take any combination. Our family would be thrilled with the idea too.

The only issues that come up for me are of course the health of the babies while in utero and then my own insanity once they come out! I have heard all the stories. I know that I don't know how hard it will be. I think we might be up for the challenge though. We have talked about putting an addition on our house once I'm well and truly pregnant. We could definitely use more space as our 2 bedroom home would be jammed full if we had even one more, never mind two at once!  So, that would be something we would definitely have to take into consideration as well.

We have lots of time to decide whether we'll put back one or two embryos (if we have the option), but for now, it's really fun to even know there's the possibility of adding to our family at all.

T has 2 more tests this week, including a pap smear and a full physical. I know she'll pass these with flying colors, so I'm looking forward to hearing the results. I also made the appointment for J and I to go to our counseling session later this month. I'm looking forward to it. I think it will be nice to talk about all of this and have someone who knows what this could be like for us to guide us through it all.

Second thoughts?

My sister asked me yesterday if she should put her boyfriend on the paperwork for the egg donation. It didn't even occur to me that she would want to. They've been together off and on for a couple of years, but they had a bad break up this summer and have since made their way back together. He's a very nice kid but was going through some stuff and broke it off with her. Now that they're back together he's apparently asking all kinds of questions about her donating. 

The big sister in me appreciates that he's looking out for her. She should be asking questions and be comfortable with every aspect of this. But the donee part of me is terrified that he's going to have her second guessing her decision to help. 

It was really starting to worry me, so I decided to tell her I was nervous she was second guessing herself. I told her that I would not be mad or hurt if she changed her mind and I'd still love her, but that I hoped she'd let me know where her head was at. Turns out, as suspected, I was overreacting. She and her boyfriend had just been going over some important questions, like would this cycle hurt her chances at having babies of her own in the future. I sent them some info about it and encouraged them to ask the doctor when they met with her, because I would never sacrifice her fertility for mine. No way. No how. I do NOT want her to ever have to go through infertility. It's not something I would want anyone I love to have to go through. 

She assured me that she is not changing her mind. I think we were both relieved. Sometimes it really is best to just ask the question rather than wondering how someone is feeling. I'm so glad I did. Phew. I can breathe again.

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting to hear back on the rest of the results. 

The Call from T

Well, I’m finally up to date in my story, so now I’ll be talking about the very recent past and the present.

T called me this morning with the best news. On her ultrasound, it turns out that she had 32 FOLLICLES! To a woman like me, with DOR, that is insane! At my very best ultrasound I had 11 follicles total. T had 15 on one ovary and 17 on the other. Besting my total on each of her outstanding ovaries! I could not be more thrilled. I am now sitting here staring at my phone, waiting to hear some of the results that come in today. There are a couple of very important ones that should come in next week. But her Antral Follicle Count of 32 is such great news and a real step in the right direction. I am so grateful to my sister for going to get the 5-6 blood draws and transvaginal ultrasound that were required for this testing. That is not fun, and I would know. I’ve done it way too often.

As for me, I’m doing my best to get back to exercising and taking care of myself again. I sprained my ankle this summer pretty badly and took some time off, then it was IVF time and I was told not to do anything that made “my ponytail swing” so no working out. Since my Diminished Ovarian Reserve diagnosis, I have gained ten very unwelcome pounds. I am a fairly thin person to begin with, so gaining the weight isn’t putting me at an unhealthy BMI or anything. Just rendering my entire wardrobe useless. And before you shopaholics suggest it, yes, I would love to start shopping for a new wardrobe, but after the more than $20K we’ve spent this year out of pocket for Infertility Treatment I can’t really afford it!

So, a few weeks ago I started back on the Couch to Five K (C25K) workout. If you don’t have it and you want to start running, download it to your phone immediately. It is the BEST. I am currently on week 5, which in my experience is one of the toughest weeks, but I’m loving it. Talk about a stress reliever. I highly recommend exercise if you’re going through something tough. I know everyone says it, but it’s so true. It helps so much.

Alright, I’m off to pick Little T up from “school.” I’ll update as the results come in.

About T

My sister T is a 22 year old College graduate who lives in Denver, has a great job, a very nice boyfriend and a ton of excellent friends. She is a beautiful former college athlete. She’s in fantastic shape. She’s cooler and hipper than I have ever been, or ever will be. And she’s a ton of fun. She’s a non-smoker. She loves her family and dogs. She’s your all-American awesome girl. I may be a bit biased, but that’s T to me. She is also one of the most generous people I know. She offered me her eggs, so on that I am definitely biased. I have easily come to the conclusion that I have the best sisters on the planet. Seriously, the best two girls I know, I happen to be related to. How many people can say that?